Socks

comingunmoored.com

New Year, new day. new socks. It’s been a good year so far. There’s nothing like putting on a pair of brand new socks first thing in the morning. The smooth feel along the bottom of your foot, the way your heel slides right into the heel cup and none of that pesky sock fluff piling up between your toes right away.

This may all sound pretty funny coming from a guy who goes barefoot in the middle of the winter. I put this down to my early hockey years. I spent so many weekends and evenings at the rink as a kid, putting skates on at -20 degrees (Fahrenheit or Celsius, take your pick) that I learned quickly how to keep my feet warm almost anywhere.

Merry Christmas!

chopeh.deviantart.com

M is for the many Months that I have had to do my Christmas Shopping, but didn't.

E is for the Excitement starting to build about having the family back together soon.

R is for getting Ready to dive into the stores and refuse to leave until the shopping is done. I should have done more training. Lucky I still have elbow, shoulder and knee pads for protection from the crowds.

R is for Rum. You can never have too much, especially at Christmas.

Y is for why oh why did I not put up the Christmas lights earlier?

A space is to pause long enough to take a breath.

Christmas Day Wake Ups

mrsvangelista.com

 I am very happy to be able to tell you this story now. My kids have all reached the age where sleeping in is the norm. If they had their way, they’d sleep until two in the afternoon, eat brunch, watch TV or play Xbox for a couple of hours, ask what’s for dinner, then back to TV and Xbox til eleven p.m. and repeat the cycle ad infinitum. Especially on Christmas Day! We even have to schedule their chores between nap times…it reminds me of when they were babies, except now they have bigger shoes. Same amount of work gets done.

It would have been, well, bad, if I had related this story any earlier in their lives. You’ll understand in a moment.

Christmas Mysteries

imperialgiftline.com

There are many mysteries in this world, especially at this time of year. The mystery of the Star of Bethlehem, how the wise men followed the signs, and what the heck is frankincense and myrrh, anyway? There is also the mystery of how men and women cope with shopping for Christmas.

I have known several women who delight in shopping for Christmas presents all year round. I can never figure out how they can be walking by a display and suddenly grab a widget off the shelf, proudly stating “this will be perfect for Cuddles for Christmas!”, even when it’s 27 degrees Celsius in the middle of an African village. I mean, where do they hide these items for the next six months?!?

Perceptions

abbyanna0.tripod.com 

I was perusing through the newsfeeds the other day and found an article where scientists discovered that women see things differently than men.

Well, duh.

Any male who has been in a relationship with a female (and even those who haven't) have known about this since men have noticed women.

Just taking a break

Hi Folks -

Time for a little hiatus. Nothing for this week but I should be back next week. Unless, of course, I win the Lotto this weekend. Then it might be the week after...

Lunch

It's time to eat ice cream. Neapolitan, with a little chocolate sauce and maybe a few chocolate chips sprinkled here and there.

darkmattermatters.com

Then maybe a hot dog and potato chips, with a soda pop or milkshake to wash it all down. Yes, I'm having dessert first, then lunch. You may not call hot dogs and chips lunch, but today, I do.

And why am I indulging in this epicurean delight? Well, let me tell you...

Alarming Clocks

I'm pretty comfortable with clocks. Having spent the better part of my career surrounded by several timepieces at once has made me immune to any fear of clock-like items.

I can even take alarm clocks. They have a distinct purpose and generally perform that purpose admirably.

What I don't get is the snooze button.

When the first alarm clocks came out - the ones you had to wind up every morning or evening - there was a small arm on the top of the clock that would hold back the clapper for the bells. The alarm was either armed or not. You either woke to the clamouring of two cow bells in your ear or to the sound of the school bus leaving. Both methods provided the same shot of adrenaline.

Perfect Days

Have you ever had one of those days? The ones where everything just falls into place perfectly? When there's a parking spot right at the front of the store, you find a twenty-dollar bill on the sidewalk or that perfect 900 inch LCD TV with wi-fi and a beer fridge in the stand is on sale for two hundred bucks?

Me neither.

I'm particularly reminded of a day I had learning to sail on the West Coast. We were well into the week long course and our instructor decided that we could choose our own destination for the day. Our choice?  A cool fjord-like area called Teakerne Arm. The best part was we could almost sail the boat right up to a waterfall - dipping the bow in, if we wanted.

We had been on the boat for four days; maybe it was time for a shower…

Barbeque Renos

Did you know that barbeques can be used for renovations?

I'm not talking about just cooking up burgers and hotdogs after the work is done, either. I mean, you really can use your barbeque as a tool to effect renovations for your property. Old-fashioned briquettes or propane units, it doesn't matter.

Here's how. Years ago, a guy I know had a little charcoal hibachi grill that he used all the time to cook up his meals. This guy could grill a burger, a hotdog, steak and even lasagna on the thing. Spring, summer, fall and winter - didn't matter, this guy would happily cook anything.

Synonyms and Shakespeare

engadget.com

How many ways can you say "dumb"? Let's count…

Dumb, dummy, goof, goofball, doofus, idjit (thank you, Yosemite Sam), stove bolt, numbskull, dunderhead, idiot, bonehead, beanhead, addled, twit and muttonhead (yes, muttonhead).

Not a bad start. One word descriptions that if used by anyone, would convey the meaning without a doubt.

How to Become a Firefighter

gawker.com

One of the many careers listed on my resume is one of a Firefighter. I became a firefighter quite by accident many moons ago when I first started working full time. I was working and living in the mountains west of Calgary and was very happy with my job and had no real desire to run into burning buildings whatsoever.

One of my friends had applied for and got the job as Assistant Fire Chief at the local volunteer fire hall. It was a feather in his cap, and he was rightfully proud of his accomplishment. They had just finished a new fire hall for the area and he was really eager to show it off.

So I got a call from him one day, with an invitation to come over and see the new digs on a Wednesday night. Not having a lot to do, I agreed. That was my first mistake.

Traveling to Heaven

A few years back, when I was in University, two of my friends and I went to New Zealand and Australia for six months. Okay, maybe it was more than a few years ago, but I know we went for a good reason. I know the University thought it was a good reason as well because they said so in a letter after my second semester.

Anyway, we had been in New Zealand for about four days and had made our way up to the northern tip of the North Island, to a small place call Paihia (pie-HEE-ah). It's located in the Bay of Islands, one of the most spectacular places in the world. Being fresh off the boat - literally - we were eager to see the sights, have some adventures and spend some money.

A Daughter's Retort

It’s all about maintaining the facade.

Your parents have to believe that they are all knowing, all powerful, and that there is no possible way that you can sneak anything past them.

Ever.

It’s the whole masquerade that makes them believe that they’ve still got ‘it’, whatever ‘it’ may be.

Parental Point of VIew

I am re-running this article for you, mostly because I think it may help a few fathers out there deal with their kids.

Or not. Next week I'll publish my darling daughter's response to this article. 

You tell me...

http://www.mobiusengine.co.uk/page/3/

It's all about maintaining the façade. Your kids have to believe that you are all knowing, all powerful and they won't get away with anything - ever. It is the mask you present to them that says "Nothing you do will surprise me".

Even when it does.

As a kid, I always thought that I was being sneaky and getting away with staying out late. Then I would get home and Mom would be there, supposedly just getting a drink of water or reading a good book.

Seeing Things Differently

www.chiefscientist.gov.au/wp-content/uploads/aurora-borealis.jpg

Have you ever seen anything that was so different, that you couldn't quite comprehend what you were seeing? I'm talking about things like seeing the Aurora Borealis for the first time, or green thunderclouds, or a bug that looks like a leaf. It takes a few seconds to process sometimes. Maybe a few minutes, depending on what it is or who you are…

There was the time when I was at a friend's place and we were walking past her brother's room. It was the 1980's and it was a younger brother, so the décor was very much the young teenager look. Blacklight posters, clothes on the floor, bed unmade - wait, I think I'm describing my kid's room right now!

Thunderstorms and Bicycles

I had decided that in order to save money and get into shape, I would ride my bike to work during the spring and summer. The thing was, I was living at the bottom of a river valley and the airport where I worked was up on the flats, ten kilometers away with an elevation gain of 240 meters. That's six miles and 800 feet, for you Imperial folks.

It worked out reasonably well, except for the first week of riding. That was (and still is) a long hill. Really long. And I always was heading into the prevailing wind. The worst part was after I had a shower and cleaned up at the airport, I still had to climb three flights of stairs to get to the office. That final staircase took about twenty minutes sometimes.

Mixed Signals

Things are pretty clear cut when you're a kid. As a babe, our eyes are always wide open, trying to make sense of the world. As we get bigger, we have a chance to test out different things, mostly by putting them in our mouths or hanging onto them for dear life.

We were pretty smart then. We would taste dirt and for most of us, never have to taste it again, knowing it was not a good snack. Pointy things like a spruce tree branch looked cool, but after the first (or maybe second) grab, it would be clear that pointy looking things were, well, pointy and not fun to hold.

Everyday Rituals

Rituals. That word sounds a bit scary. It reminds me of horror films where the undead crazy shaman starts converting the good guys into zombies or periwinkles or something too scary to name.

But really, we all have our own rituals we do every day. Pick any usual thing you do during the day and I bet you'll find that you try to do it the same way every time. And heaven help you if you get interrupted in the middle - everything just starts to go bad.

Chaos Cooking

Right off the top, I want to say that I love my darling wife unreservedly and that we work exceptionally well together. Most of the time.

We have put up wallpaper, painted rooms, fixed cars and built furniture. We have raised three kids who know how to tie their shoes and string a coherent sentence together.  Most of the time.

We mesh together like a Swiss timepiece, or like a perfect musical performance, or like a flaming, knife-throwing, blindfolded, acrobatic circus act. Until we get into the kitchen. Then the flaming knives end up in the seats…

Varmints

A friend of ours mentioned the other day that they have a skunk. She wasn't talking about her teenagers, either.

It seems like a very pregnant looking skunk had taken up residence underneath their patio recently. Our friend's cat seems to have taken exception to the new tenant and stalks around the front door hole of the skunk's new den. It does not bode well for the future, if said skunk really is pregnant and not just well-fed…

Rats, There's Rattles

Rattles. We've all had them at one point or another. Baby rattles are comforting when we're babies and not so much as we get older. We rattle around the house when we are kids, forever distracting our parents by saying "There's nothing to do!"

When they give us chores to do, it just isn't the same thing…

I have a particular rattle that is the focus of my attention most days. My house is pretty old by Canadian standards - 1980 or so - but practically new by European standards. Be that as it may, at the start of the cold weather, as the furnace starts up, there's a rattle in the duct work. Only in one section of duct work. The one in my bedroom.

Who needs modern transportation...

I was going to talk about my sons this week, mostly because I' haven't bugged them for a while. Sometimes though, the act of writing takes you down another path that you didn't see before.

Nope, this week it'll be all about cars. Don't worry - I'll still get a few digs in at Son Number One, mostly because he's been driving the last two times we've had big trouble.

Faceplants

I saw a post on social media today that really resonated with me. It's a sign that says "Pay attention while you walk - your Facebook status can wait". It was erected because too many people are paying more attention to their phones and status updates and not where they are walking. There have been videos posted on the Net showing people looking intently at their phones and walking straight into a fountain or into closed doors.

Some may think this is a new-ish phenomenon. I beg to differ.

Climbing Follies

I've lived and worked for many years in and around the Rocky Mountains and I know a lot of people who are climbers. My darling wife used to climb, both scrambling and some technical. My buddy, Murray, was also an avid climber in his day, often going out on solo climbs on days off from University.

I could watch these people climb all day. Same as I can watch people run on the pathways, with red faces, looking like they want to be anywhere else but running at that moment.

The Beauty of a Hippie Van

My youngest and I were stopped at a four-way stop when a lime green VW camper van stopped across the intersection. It was in pretty good shape, well-kept and shiny, with the silver hubcaps and white tire rims contrasting nicely.

My youngest said, "Hey, there's a hippie van. Cool! That looks great, I'd love to have one of those…" The driver didn't dispel the myth, having a very full beard and multi-coloured toque on. I didn't know that my son actually knew what a hippie was.

Three Cars and still walking...

You know, I find myself walking a lot more than I use to these days. I mention this because we have three cars at home and only three drivers, so you’d think I’d be able to drive around more than I walk.

Now before you get any ideas, I am not a car collector and having three cars isn’t as extravagant as you might think. None of our cars are of this century, for one. The closest we have is a 1999 Toyota. The other two are from 1993 and 1991, respectively. We managed with two cars for a long time, until the twins got their licences.

A Sod Story

Sod. I love sod. I’d forgotten how much I love sod. I’m not talking about the stuff you have to cut out of your yard when you put in a new sidewalk or a new driveway. That sod is usually uneven, in small, oddly shaped octagonal pieces that never seem to go down in the same pattern they came up from. It also has brown patches in the weirdest places, making your lawn look like a bizarre chessboard or Twister game.

Ripping Impaired

I have a confession to make. I am ripping-impaired. It’s something I’ve tried to deny for many years, but now it’s time to face up to it.

I think I’ve always had trouble ripping things cleanly. Heck, cleanly was never even close. I would be happy with neatly, but even that is usually beyond me. Doesn’t matter if there are perforations or not. Short of scissors, anything I try to make into two pieces will end up in strange and unusual sizes.

Summer Vacations

Now that it's June, I see summer vacations with a parent's eye. This of course, is far different than a kid's viewpoint. Vacations for kids are seemingly endless days of summer, each day lasting approximately 3.2 years. Those days allow for bike rides, ball games, hours on the gaming consoles and double feature videos just about every night. Throw in the one or two camping trips and the whole summer vacation is complete (as long as there is an internet wi-fi site nearby).

Now it's all making sense. I remember seeing my folks looking a bit wild-eyed around the middle of June - I mean, more than usual. When I did think about it, I passed it off as one of those weird things parents do on occasion. Then I went back to my Chocolate Coated Sugar Bomb and Marshmallow Cereal for breakfast. I was happy.

Now I know.

The Good the Bad and the Dandelions

I must be a great neighbour. I’m not saying this out of egotism. I know better than that. I have enough friends and family that remember some of the things I’ve done in the past. I don’t remember some of the stories they attribute to me, so that alone ensures I stay humble.

No, the reason I think I’m a good neighbour is all about the dandelions. It seems that I have been the Dandelion Whisperer since I’ve moved into the area.

Here it is, the third day of the growing season and I already have a crop that could provide everyone in town all the dandelion salad they could eat and all the dandelion tea they could drink.

To Do or Not To Do...Will Have To Do

I have at least five projects ready to start for this summer. Well, maybe only three, but it depends on how you count them. I’d like the count to be zero but even I know that’s not going to happen.

The front patio project involves pulling up the paving stones from the side of the house and putting them down in the front of the house. I can’t get the grass to grow there anyway, so I might as well put the pavers there and save my feet from sharp, dead grass. The pavers will give the ants in the front yard another space for their condos. How environmental is that? Maybe it’s just mental…

Nothing much...

Seeing as I don't have anything to say at the moment, I think I'll write a column about nothing. Remember Seinfeld? His whole show was about nothing and see where it got him. One can only hope…

There is actually a lot to say about nothing. There is always a whole bunch of nothing that happens every day. Ask your kid when they come home from school "What did you learn today?"

Small Bathrooms

You know your bathroom is small when you go to tuck in your shirt and you end up tucking a towel into your shorts as well.

I’m really not complaining. Okay, maybe I am. My house was built in 1979 when bathrooms were big enough for a toilet, tub and sink and if you were lucky, a spot to hang a magazine holder.

Losing things...

Who has lost something important, like their wallet, keys or mind? Come on, I know you’re out there. Did you ever find them again? Here’s a story of hope for you…

Critical Thinking

I have two kids in University this year. Sorry, young adults. The twins are spreading their wings and expanding their minds in the hallowed halls of Higher Learning. It’s all about them learning to think and follow a problem through to the logical conclusion. Learning to use the resources around them to the best advantage.

It’s wonderful to see them branching out and focusing on their future. Although sometimes their future seems to be attending university parties, field trips off campus and the plethora of social clubs. We get more information on all the extracurricular activities than we do about their actual classes.

Demise of the Written Word

English is such a flexible language. This is a good thing but it’s also a bad thing. The good thing is English has the ability to take a word from another language, mash it up a bit and use it in new and unexpected ways. That’s one of the reasons it’s used throughout the world in aviation and scientific circles. Any native speaker can make up a new word at the drop of a hat.

For instance, as I watch one of my sons watching TV, the word ‘slouch’ comes to mind. He’s a teenager, so slouching comes naturally. He just has that teen ‘slouchy’ look about him. Call it a slouch-like quality.

"Smart" phones...

Can smartphones make you dumb? I’ve been thinking about that for the last few days. (Believe it or not, I do actually think once in a while. Then I give my head a shake and the feeling goes away).

This idea has been percolating for some years, ever since the advent of Personal Data Assistants, or PDA devices. This is not to be confused with the Hollywood type of PDA, which stands for Public Display of Affection. You can’t get arrested for having the first type of PDA, but you can for the second. Or at least become fodder for the paparazzi…

Cartoon Education

I am appalled. Not Apollo, appalled. One of the mainstays of our educational system has been trifled with and I am not happy. The teaching of Classical Music on Saturday morning cartoons has been thrown to the wayside!

I know! It’s a terrible thing! Where will our children get their love of music from? Where will they gain the understanding of musical nuance, timing and emotion? It certainly won’t be from some robot-driven, animated adaptation of a bestselling ‘graphic novel’!

What is a graphic novel anyway?

Laundry Day

Well, it must be laundry day. I can’t find any socks in the drawer – any of mine, anyway.

I actually learned quite a few years ago how to do my own laundry, when I was a bachelor. Really. I scrupulously read the instructions on the side of the detergent box, sorted my clothes accordingly and washed four shirts in one load, a pair of pants in another and the unmentionables in the third. I was on a tight clothing budget…

Computer Savvy

I’d like to think of myself as pretty technologically savvy for the most part. I’d also like to think I’m good at a lot of other things but then I try to balance the chequebook…

I’ve had the opportunity in past careers to be exposed to a lot of different computer systems and programs, so I’m pretty comfortable mucking about with my home unit. I learned a lot about how programs and hardware work together and in some cases, how you can break them. I think I’ve seen enough computer glitches to understand most and be able to fix said glitches. And that’s when it happened.

Spring Landscaping Lessons

With this never-ending beginning of Spring, I find myself contemplating my yard, mentally planning all the little improvements I want to do. I find if I plan things out in my mind, I never have to tell anyone. That way, if nothing gets done (again) there’s no paper trail. Anyway, getting back to the yard. As I was planning which trees to trim and bushes to cut back, I remembered a day when landscaping was the furthest thing from my mind.

I had just finished the year at University and was helping my friend, Murray, plan and execute a party at his place to celebrate. I was at Mur’s about two in the afternoon, setting up his parent’s home in a tropical theme. This came complete with a white sand beach in the basement and palm trees (or reasonable facsimile after a few drinks) in the kitchen. It was a tremendous success. It may be the subject of another story one day. If Murray’s parents have forgiven him yet.

Building Lessons

I think I’ve learned a lot throughout the years about building and handyman stuff. Mostly because I have old things that break often. But I try to learn from my mistakes, (like not reading the directions first) and by the mistakes made by others. Sometimes I learn even when I don’t want to…

I seem to remember a lot of home improvement was started in our house due to what looked like random occurrence.

Taste Buds

Something has changed and I’m a bit worried. It’s taken me a little while to figure it out, but I think I’ve put my fingers on it.

Things taste different.

I’m not sure when this actually happened, or honestly, if I should be concerned. So I decided that I’ll do a very unscientific historical comparative analysis to see if I should ignore this and carry on or call up the Center for Disease Control…

Working from Home

Working from home is a fantastic thing for the most part. There is a twelve second commute, it can be the ultimate ‘Casual Friday’ all week long and there seems to be a never ending supply of food in the fridge, at least until the kids come home.

Believe it or not, there is also a down side to working at home. Everyone knows where you are and how to get a hold of you. There is a perception that since you work from home, you’re not very busy. I have no idea where they get that idea. Most folks haven’t seen me work at an office (and some would say they have never seen me work – ever) and generally, they wouldn’t call me there unless it was pretty urgent or business related unless they knew I was on lunch or a break.

Plumbing Season

It’s plumbing season in the house these days. Not that I really need a plumbing season per se, it’s just that I finally got down to the plumbing jobs on my “To Do” list.

Usually I try to start plumbing jobs when it’s a bit warmer – say, July. There are a few good reasons for this. My tools from the garage aren’t so cold that they stick to my skin. I don’t have to get parka and boots on to get the tools from the garage. The family’s hair doesn’t freeze on the walk home from the local swimming pool, where they’ve had to go for their showers.

I learned a new song last night. Didn’t mean to, didn’t really want to, but this morning, I woke up and there it was. Stuck in my head and it wouldn’t go away. The worst part was I could only remember one line and part of the chorus and that stuff was running through my head on a continuous loop.

This has happened every day for the last few weeks. A different song every morning. It would be great if I were a DJ for a living, not so great since I’m a writer. I have to be able to hear the voices in my head, not have them drowned out by music.

Resolutions

So when I finished putting up the Christmas lights for this season, I had an epiphany of sorts.

I tried a different method this year, one I don’t think I’ve ever tried before. I put up the lights in the dark. Yep, started at 5:30 pm. The sun had been down for about an hour. I was smart enough to make sure the temperature was right around zero Celsius and not as cold as two years ago when I had the boys help me and it was about -20 C (but sunny). That was just a learning opportunity for them. I also learned that they had a bigger vocabulary than I thought, so it was a win-win all around.

Cats

I've been lucky to have a lot of pets in my life – predominantly dogs, but we did have a cat once for a few years as I was growing up. My family seemed to get the goofballs of the animal world. I’m not saying that it was because my family was a bunch of goofballs either, because that would get me pummelled at our next get together. Those of you that know me and my family, hold your tongues.

The cat was an all-black Burmese with a crooked tail, about five pounds and more like a dog than any other cat I have ever met. We called her Bree and she would wait for us to get home from school at the back door and “Me-yah” us as we came in. Not ‘meow’ but ‘me-yah’. Don’t ask. Couldn’t tell you. I don’t speak cat.

Higher Learning

I was speaking with my niece a few days ago about her experiences during her first semester of University. Talking about all the lame courses you have to take before you can get to the good ones in second year, the goofy people that surround you at residence and the even goofier professors you have to put up with over the next four years.

That conversation got me to thinking. I know that may surprise many who know me, but I actually do think once in a while.