Small Bathrooms

You know your bathroom is small when you go to tuck in your shirt and you end up tucking a towel into your shorts as well.

I’m really not complaining. Okay, maybe I am. My house was built in 1979 when bathrooms were big enough for a toilet, tub and sink and if you were lucky, a spot to hang a magazine holder.

The goal of the builders back then was to build a solid house with good entertaining areas and maximize the space available for living. Low ceilings to keep it snug. Kitchen counters were laminate over wood, in a variety of wonderful pastel colours. Don’t forget the wall-to-wall shag rug on every flat, horizontal surface.

Come to think of it, I have seen a shag rug installed on a wall. Very strange.

Anyway, back to the bathroom. In 1979, it was a room that had the minimum amount of facilities to do what has to be done in a bathroom. A sink for washing your face and brushing your teeth, a bathtub – five feet long and eighteen inches deep – enough to put water in, wash up and get out. Throw in a shower head and it served a dual purpose. And of course, the toilet. No need for details there. I hope.

Back then, the ritzy bathrooms had a built in medicine cabinet behind the mirror or even better, the big mirror with TWO medicine cabinets, one on each side. The lighting consisted of the big bar of round bulbs, that would come in three, four or twenty-seven bulbs per bar. The lighting would be sufficient to either prevent you from scaring - umm, seeing yourself first thing in the morning, or the room would be lit up like Times Square, exposing every pore to inspection. The really fancy bathrooms would also have the infrared heat lamp in the ceiling, enabling you to dry without a towel and use the room as a personal sauna.

Still, it was still a small space.

Now today, the bathrooms in new houses are the same size as my living room! And those are the ensuites!

The showers are big enough to be used in the locker room at the local swimming pool or gym. There’s space for six or seven of your closest friends, if you’re so inclined. Then there are the multiple shower heads that can clean and rinse all your nooks and crannies, even the ones you didn’t know you had. Add a steam nozzle and a rain shower head and you too, can feel like you’re in the tropical jungle.

The bathtubs are also incredible. Anywhere from six to eight feet in length, two to four feet deep and more nozzles than the local fire department. There is enough water and space in some of these that you could have your own school of fish or a pet dolphin. The jet nozzles have enough power to put out a forest fire, or lift a small child right out of the tub.

There are bathrooms that have three-sided fireplaces, granite counters, heated floors and LCD televisions, for those times where you have just too much to do in the bathroom and you don’t want to miss your favourite shows.

The real star of the new bathroom though, is the toilet. The newest models are an amazing feat of engineering and really will make you want to stay in the room as long as possible.

Why? The best new toilets have heated seats. Yes, just like your car. Perfect for Canadian winters! These toilets also have a device that, when you’re done your business, extends out from the side and shoots warm water over your undercarriage, then blows warm air afterward to dry you off. Best of all, it comes with (wait for it, guys) – A REMOTE CONTROL!

Now, if I can convince one of my kids to sleep in the garage, I might, just might have room…