Synonyms and Shakespeare

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How many ways can you say "dumb"? Let's count…

Dumb, dummy, goof, goofball, doofus, idjit (thank you, Yosemite Sam), stove bolt, numbskull, dunderhead, idiot, bonehead, beanhead, addled, twit and muttonhead (yes, muttonhead).

Not a bad start. One word descriptions that if used by anyone, would convey the meaning without a doubt.

Why am I making a list of ways to describe "dumb"? I don't know, it just seemed like good idea. Onward and upward - or downward, as the case may be. How about some phrases?

Strong like bull, smart like ox; big shirt, small hat; dumb as a stump; sharp as a donut; and one of my personal favourites, sharp as a hot dog.

As much as I like these words and phrases, I still think modern English doesn't have the flavour and capability for description as say, Shakespeare's time. We seem to have devolved when it comes to describing silly actions. Most of the population uses only a few select words. A lot can't really be described here, unless I want to lose my family rating. Tempting, though...

So I thought I'd research some of the ways Shakespeare might have said "dumb". After all, William could turn a phrase or two once in awhile.

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How about jolt-head or blind-worm, wagtail or pumpion? Or pigeon-egg, mammet, malt-worm or lout? Then there's joithead, hugger-mugger, hornbeast and hedge pig. Don't forget gudgeon and giglet, fustilarian and foot-licker!

Some of the phrases are particularly elegant, in their own way. It seems like there was an effort to make these phrases almost poetic as well as they were pointed.

Take this one - "Thou artless, beef-witted barnacle". Or "thou bootless, beetle-headed bugbear". Then there's "thou goatish, crook-pated dewberry" and "thou unmuzzled, hasty-witted bum-bailey". I have no idea what a bum-bailey is, but it does roll off the tongue pretty well…

Maybe it's putting the 'thou' in front of the phrase, or maybe it's just Shakespeare, but they really knew how to let someone know they were doing something dumb. Even the dumbest dumb person would get the message!

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You could even use these phrases on yourself. You know, when you start to do something sketchy and then stop and tell yourself "this is a dumb idea" and then go ahead anyway? Have a few of these phrases memorized, just in case.

I'm not sure why I think this is a good topic. Maybe my kids did something that bugged me, maybe something at work triggered it, maybe I caught myself doing something questionable. All good possibilities. It doesn't really matter, I’ll take inspiration anywhere and anytime.

All I know is that this is what will be written this time. Whether or not it's a good idea or a dumb one, only my darling wife knows for sure. And with three males in the house, I'm sure she could come up with a few more words and phrases to describe "dumb" if she wanted to. But really, she can sum it all up in one precise term -

"Men".