tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10372130215802651332024-02-07T12:14:15.509-07:00My Life as a CouchHumour and absurd wisdom from the Male point of view ...Davehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02207873921712424328noreply@blogger.comBlogger123125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1037213021580265133.post-38514243870191426272013-04-07T21:44:00.000-06:002013-04-07T21:44:49.706-06:00Lost Time<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_Dg91BcsSFiA/SxmZleW781I/AAAAAAAAA8s/XYw-shWpMUY/funny-pictures-horses-look-for-needle-in-haystack_480x360%5B6%5D.jpg?imgmax=800" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="231" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_Dg91BcsSFiA/SxmZleW781I/AAAAAAAAA8s/XYw-shWpMUY/funny-pictures-horses-look-for-needle-in-haystack_480x360%5B6%5D.jpg?imgmax=800" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a class="irc_itl" data-ved="0CAcQjB0wADgV" href="http://www.google.com/url?sa=i&source=images&cd=&docid=Rj1xdE_PVMstTM&tbnid=hasRu__4d68dRM:&ved=0CAcQjB0wADgV&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.zimbio.com%2FHumor%2Band%2BSatire%2Farticles%2FEUZf3Bz3EFc%2FFunny%2BPictures%2BBlog%2BFinding%2BLost%2BHaystack&ei=RDtiUb7PDYGBiwL5eg&psig=AFQjCNFvPlOELbC08wUzq2ej__k0KVsvtA&ust=1365478596274277" id="irc_hol" style="background-color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 16px; text-align: start; text-decoration: none; white-space: nowrap;"><span id="irc_ho" style="color: white; margin-right: -2px; padding-right: 2px; text-decoration: underline;">www.zimbio.com</span></a><span id="irc_dim" style="background-color: #222222; color: #7d7d7d; font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 16px; text-align: start; white-space: nowrap;"> </span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I seem to
have lost some time. Actually, quite a bit of time. Almost a week, it appears.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">For all
three people that read this blog, you may have noticed that it wasn't in the usual
place last week. I only realized that after I received a very nice email from
an esteemed reader saying that he hoped I had a very nice holiday and was
looking forward the next article - soon.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I was
puzzled by this email at first, because I was sure that I put my last piece into the latest edition of the blog. I went through my file and
sure enough, there it was. Then I looked at the date on the article and checked it
against my phone.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Oops.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"></span></span></div>
<a name='more'></a><br />
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<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I'm not really
sure where the time went or for that matter, where I was during the previous five
or six days. I know I was around here somewhere because I had gas and grocery receipts
in my wallet and there were dishes in the sink. Wait, the dishes don't count -
those are from my child who still can't seem to find the dishwasher located
next to the sink…<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Anyway, I'm
not too worried about this. It has happened before, once or twice. And no, I'm
not talking about my university days. I actually know - or at least understand
- where those days went and we are NOT getting to those stories at the moment.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTlObchJ116V8I2w5F2LrV-ZgQAfST7fMbBop-q07dnB0spfMRSbw" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTlObchJ116V8I2w5F2LrV-ZgQAfST7fMbBop-q07dnB0spfMRSbw" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a class="irc_itl" data-ved="0CAcQjB0wADgV" href="http://www.google.com/url?sa=i&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=nzeupRQUUA50iM&tbnid=PqAQ_rNfgt0e3M:&ved=0CAcQjB0wADgV&url=http%3A%2F%2Fforum.canucks.com%2Ftopic%2F317913-funny-pics%2Fpage__st__2670&ei=LTtiUb2pH6LliAKCt4DgDw&psig=AFQjCNFEtYgSmdBckSYwbNE4qIs4NI5_uA&ust=1365478573574198" id="irc_hol" style="background-color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 16px; text-align: start; text-decoration: none; white-space: nowrap;"><span id="irc_ho" style="color: white; margin-right: -2px; padding-right: 2px; text-decoration: underline;">orum.canucks.com</span></a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I remember a
time when I lost at least a whole day. I was heading into a local fast food
restaurant and was eager to take advantage of their Tuesday Special. I finally
got to the front of the line and said "I'll take the Tuesday Special,
please!"<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The lady
behind the counter said, "I'm sorry, we don't have that today."<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Looking let
down, I asked "Why?"<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Looking at
least as let down as I was, she replied "It's Wednesday…"<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The genuine
look of confusion on my face must have been a good one because the lady turned
back to the kitchen and shouted out to her manager "Hey, this guy has lost
a day. Can we give him the Tuesday Special today?"<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">"He's
lost a day?!? Really? Sure, let him have it!" <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So you can
understand why I'm not too worried about this latest incident. Admittedly, I've
never really lost track of an entire week before, even when I've been on vacation.
My clients haven't called looking for me and I haven't had a visit from the
local constabulary so that proves I couldn't have gone far or gotten into too
much trouble. And besides, my darling wife would have mentioned something. I think.
She may have enjoyed the break.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">In any case,
it's time to get back on track and get in the swing of things again. If
everything goes well, I'll remember this past week in its entirety and be
looking forward to the upcoming week.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">And I think
I'll make time to visit a few of the restaurants around town tomorrow…<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://i46.tinypic.com/243i3jo.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="142" src="http://i46.tinypic.com/243i3jo.gif" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a class="irc_itl" data-ved="0CAcQjB0wAA" href="http://www.google.com/url?sa=i&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=qOJcvUkIgXk9LM&tbnid=whtzUlR3Zl2CYM:&ved=0CAcQjB0wAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.unhealthyearth.com%2F2013%2F02%2Fimprinted-kids-brains-branded-with-fast.html&ei=0DxiUY2RIsjFigKuhYGQDQ&psig=AFQjCNE8ZHNhrYpVozuQfgg8UBDhUqye0w&ust=1365478992594285" id="irc_hol" style="background-color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 16px; text-align: start; text-decoration: none; white-space: nowrap;"><span id="irc_ho" style="color: white; margin-right: -2px; padding-right: 2px; text-decoration: underline;">www.unhealthyearth.com</span></a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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Davehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02207873921712424328noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1037213021580265133.post-71275433580942607842013-03-17T22:58:00.000-06:002013-03-17T22:58:48.089-06:00Adrenaline Rush<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQb2WAv1tDhAwREqMk3WIXx4KfjIyd9-YY8g-meUqG1Rx5Om0chGjSC5YYVFjtSC91mxCq1okhOt5fb48Qi-ufJ33wUYi6wKjaqKv3zF85BuqhtnI0knbzHBvzhpt4mdzwA_PcE4dE4j3G/s1600/funny-pictures-cat-rode-roller-coaster.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQb2WAv1tDhAwREqMk3WIXx4KfjIyd9-YY8g-meUqG1Rx5Om0chGjSC5YYVFjtSC91mxCq1okhOt5fb48Qi-ufJ33wUYi6wKjaqKv3zF85BuqhtnI0knbzHBvzhpt4mdzwA_PcE4dE4j3G/s320/funny-pictures-cat-rode-roller-coaster.jpg" width="240" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">You know, the adrenaline rush you get from a rollercoaster
or white water rafting or some such activity is great. The racing heart, the
sharpening of all your senses and the sheer exhilaration of the moment makes
you feel alive in the best sense of the word.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The rush you get from a near miss in real life, well, that's
a bit different. The same physical and chemical reaction takes place, but it's
not so much exhilaration, at least in my experience. It's more of a
thankfulness of surviving.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Let me explain.</span></div>
<a name='more'></a><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I remember a time when I went to a party at a friend's
house. Yes, I actually remember the party and the aftermath. Keep your comments
to yourself.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Anyway, I went over about four o'clock in the afternoon to
help set up for the party. Ice tubs in place, beach in the basement with the
palm trees and all the music lined up and ready to play. I was a designated
driver/picker-upper/cleaner, so I remained one of the few sober people for the
night.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The party was a success and most of the damage was repaired
before I left for home. By now, I had been awake for about twenty-two hours and
was feeling the effect. As I left my friend's place, the sun was coming up
right in front of me. I do remember driving over the reservoir and thinking
what a beautiful morning it was, then I was about three kilometers from home.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">What I don't remember was the intervening ten kilometers of
the actual driving part! I bolted up straight in the driver's seat and looked
around frantically to see if there were any wrecked cars in my wake or police
chasing me. Nothing there, to my great relief.</span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://i.ytimg.com/vi/GrSzHwz5hgQ/0.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://i.ytimg.com/vi/GrSzHwz5hgQ/0.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a class="irc_itl" data-ved="0CAcQjB0wADiAAw" href="http://www.google.com/url?sa=i&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=v4bXHF4esTWGsM&tbnid=3Q-3RfoIUavA6M:&ved=0CAcQjB0wADiAAw&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.dipity.com%2Ftimeline%2FMr-Bean-S-Holiday%2F&ei=Yp1GUdj7LYTfrAG1qoGwCw&psig=AFQjCNFulTl_NYTzPvr-vNVs4FGTiO2AkQ&ust=1363668706804478" id="irc_hol" style="background-color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 16px; text-align: start; text-decoration: none; white-space: nowrap;"><span id="irc_ho" style="color: white; margin-right: -2px; padding-right: 2px; text-decoration: underline;">www.dipity.com</span></a><span id="irc_dim" style="background-color: #222222; color: #7d7d7d; font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 16px; text-align: start; white-space: nowrap;"> </span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">That jolt of adrenaline lasted all the way home and about an
hour after I got into bed. Of course, just as I fell asleep, my folks woke me
up for weekend chores, but that's another story.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Another instance happened when I was living in the
mountains. My friend and I had been in the city all day, doing the required
bi-weekly shopping trip. It was running close to midnight when I dropped off my
friend in the small town and I was pooped. I asked if I could crash on the
chesterfield for the night, but it turned out that my friend's roommate had a
bunch of people over for the weekend.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Besides, my friend said, it's only another twenty minutes
back to your place, you'll be fine! That's what they say in all the horror
flicks just before things go terribly wrong…</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So I'm back on the road, in my little Toyota station wagon returning
to my place and just getting out of town for the twenty minute trip. Just as I
accelerated up to 100 km/hr and turned the corner on the highway, my headlights
picked up a large herd of elk in the middle of the road.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://farm2.staticflickr.com/1372/1333161178_2d0cdfd7ae_z.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="244" src="http://farm2.staticflickr.com/1372/1333161178_2d0cdfd7ae_z.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a class="irc_itl" data-ved="0CAcQjB0wADhB" href="http://www.google.com/url?sa=i&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=lPCbEIvchRsAJM&tbnid=LPGhtOBylPr4zM:&ved=0CAcQjB0wADhB&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.flickr.com%2Fphotos%2Fdanaman%2F1333161178%2F&ei=qZ5GUYKuM8_GqAHAtICQBA&psig=AFQjCNG-C0ab0wKnCRqZILTapQTHIJI7cw&ust=1363669033882629" id="irc_hol" style="background-color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 16px; text-align: start; text-decoration: none; white-space: nowrap;"><span id="irc_ho" style="color: white; margin-right: -2px; padding-right: 2px; text-decoration: underline;">www.flickr.com</span></a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I had no chance to do anything but stare at the belly fur of
six or seven elk as I hit the only gap in the herd of thirty of the thousand-pound
animals. The adrenaline dumped into my body just as I cleared the herd and I
was exceptionally aware of the next eighteen minutes, thirty-two point seven
six seconds it took to get home.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">It took me another six or seven minutes to pry my fingers
off the steering wheel and find the door handle, which worked out perfectly. It
was about that long for my legs to stop shaking so I could walk into my cabin.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"></span><br /><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">After that, amusement park rides just weren't as exciting as
they used to be…</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"></span><br /><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.zombiestudio.es/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/Funny-pictures-of-people-on-roller-coasters-3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://www.zombiestudio.es/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/Funny-pictures-of-people-on-roller-coasters-3.jpg" width="313" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a class="irc_itl" data-ved="0CAcQjB0wAA" href="http://www.google.com/url?sa=i&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=n57P18CSSZvYQM&tbnid=6sIs9chhmJeXwM:&ved=0CAcQjB0wAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Ftopfunnypictureshq.blogspot.com%2F2012%2F12%2Ffunny-roller-coaster.html&ei=z5tGUYmTAsmRrQGguICQDA&psig=AFQjCNFixBRq4nKixUmPGfQ3tKSa9w8VSw&ust=1363668303087299" id="irc_hol" style="background-color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 16px; text-align: start; text-decoration: none; white-space: nowrap;"><span id="irc_ho" style="color: white; margin-right: -2px; padding-right: 2px; text-decoration: underline;">topfunnypictureshq.blogspot.com</span></a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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Davehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02207873921712424328noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1037213021580265133.post-1147265902086855472013-03-02T14:27:00.001-07:002013-03-02T14:27:19.567-07:00Decisions<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRexLdvBaVfyYfng09jJeyfBZsTqxPgpz1mUa2pyaLvlnFFnCKYvQ" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRexLdvBaVfyYfng09jJeyfBZsTqxPgpz1mUa2pyaLvlnFFnCKYvQ" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a class="irc_itl" data-ved="0CAcQjB0wAA" href="http://www.google.com/url?sa=i&source=images&cd=&docid=t17GCAeFTwA40M&tbnid=v8WCJ6vnoDs3PM:&ved=0CAcQjB0wAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.snigdhakrishna.com%2Fcommon-sense1%2F&ei=MWYyUZrZCqqJiwLvu4DACw&psig=AFQjCNGSwgf-OBbGQIwd1yztSDsRDUU3rQ&ust=1362343857215221" id="irc_hol" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 16px; text-align: start; text-decoration: none; white-space: nowrap;"><span id="irc_ho" style="background-color: black; color: white; margin-right: -2px; padding-right: 2px; text-decoration: underline;">www.snigdhakrishna.com</span></a></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">There are times in everyone's life that you are required to
make decisions. I'm not talking about the everyday decisions, I'm talking about
some big decisions, life-changing decisions. Something that rests on that
singular moment where it either goes really, really well or spectacularly bad. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">This is one of those times.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">It was a typical </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">university student </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">night for us, me and my
roomie, Mur. There was studying to be done, laundry to be done, cleaning the
bathroom to be done and many other sundry chores that needed to be done. So we
sat down and had a meeting to decide what to do. There may have been the odd
beverage imbibed whilst we planned. In any case, after a long and drawn out
discussion lasting approximately three and a half minutes, we came to a
decision.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">It was decided to head out to a party being thrown at a
nearby community centre. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Here's where it gets complicated. There were two different
community centres within two kilometers of each other, with similar sounding
names. Mur was sure it was at the closest place to us, but as we drove up, it
did not look like the happening place it should have been.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">And here is the pivotal decision. I said to Mur that I
didn't think this was the place and maybe we should check out the other
location, but he said, "Sure it is. Let's go check it out." What
could go wrong?</span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"></span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://latimesphoto.files.wordpress.com/2012/04/dodger-stadium09.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://latimesphoto.files.wordpress.com/2012/04/dodger-stadium09.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a class="irc_itl" data-ved="0CAcQjB0wADi4AQ" href="http://www.google.com/url?sa=i&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=XVICj2GO4ojd2M&tbnid=DcHWRVV6xLFLTM:&ved=0CAcQjB0wADi4AQ&url=http%3A%2F%2Fframework.latimes.com%2F2012%2F04%2F07%2Fdodger-stadium%2F&ei=uWgyUa_9DeXgiwLctIDICw&psig=AFQjCNEjBc9wjjC76f54N0ZiNqtUQfcaCQ&ust=1362344505279072" id="irc_hol" style="background-color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 16px; text-align: start; text-decoration: none; white-space: nowrap;"><span id="irc_ho" style="color: white; margin-right: -2px; padding-right: 2px; text-decoration: underline;">framework.latimes.com</span></a></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">First of all, there were four police cruisers parked around
the perimeter of the building. As we got out of the conspicuously empty parking
lot, I noticed a shadowy figure at the other end of the building holding what
looked like a shotgun. I mentioned this to Mur but by the time he turned to
look, the figure had vanished.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">"C'mon, quit being paranoid and let's get in
there," he said as we reached the front doors. We tried the first door and
it was locked. Then the second with the same result. By the time we were
approaching the third, it was starting to sink in that there were absolutely no
lights on - anywhere.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Just as we got to the third door, one of the largest police
sergeants on this earth was filling the doorway admirably. "What are you
doing?" he barked. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">"Trying to get into the party, what are you
doing?" Probably not the best response, considering.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">"Investigating a break in." Mur and I turned
around to find another police officer standing beside us. This was shaping up
to be an interesting evening. The sergeant stared at us for a few hours, or
moments, I'm not sure. Apparently, we were deemed not worthy of his scrutiny
anymore, so he told the other officer to get our information and he stomped
back inside.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">We produced our ID and the officer started to ask us some
basic questions. Name, age, address and
so on. I wasn't really paying attention, and when he finished with Murray, he
turned to me and started to ask the same things.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Then he asked "How are your eyes?"</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">A little taken aback, I said "They're fine, thanks for
asking!"</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Murray just about fell over, he was laughing so hard.
"No, you idiot, what colour are your eyes!" he said.</span></div>
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<a href="http://www.1000funnypictures.com/photos/Funny-Animals-Pictures/128.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="261" src="http://www.1000funnypictures.com/photos/Funny-Animals-Pictures/128.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">"Oh. Brown and green" I corrected. The officer
taking our statement just kept his face down and was writing furiously in his
notebook. There may have been a suppressed chuckle in there somewhere, but like
I said earlier, there were no lights on…</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">After a minute or two, both Murray and the officer regained
their composure. The officer was kind enough to tell us the party we were
looking for was at the <i>other</i>
community centre, down the road, and maybe we should head down there, carefully
and quickly, before the sergeant came back.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Mur and I looked at each other, then back to the police
officer, who promptly said "Now."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Saying thank you, we nonchalantly bolted for the van and got
out of there as fast as possible. One of the better decisions of the night…</span></div>
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Davehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02207873921712424328noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1037213021580265133.post-83640028002053451712013-02-17T15:36:00.002-07:002013-02-17T15:36:39.130-07:00Darth, Dads and Daughters<br />
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<a href="http://www.benzilla.com/uploads/2011/12/star-wars-poster.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://www.benzilla.com/uploads/2011/12/star-wars-poster.jpg" width="224" /></span></a><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">When I was a kid and watching Stars Wars for the
first time, Darth Vader was the epitome of the Evil Bad Guy. Even after the
twenty-seventh viewing, my opinion was unchanged – Darth was a bad dude and
deserved everything he got.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Then came the second movie of the series and the
bombshell near the end of the film that Darth was actually Luke’s real father!
The explosive gasp in the theater almost blew the exit doors off their hinges.
Gasp, not gas, despite the theater being filled to capacity with 15- to 18-year-olds. The last shocker was finding out the Leia and Luke were twins, making
Darth Vader the father of twins. I don't know how I made it through the next
two years until the third film.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">Today I find myself in a similar situation. No,
no, I </span></span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">didn't</span></span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"> find a long lost sibling or that my dad was an evil ruler of a
galaxy far, far away, although it seemed like it when I had to cut the grass or
shovel the walk. I am the father of twins – boy and a girl – and find myself
commiserating with Darth on many things.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">When my daughter started dating (way before she
was thirty-five, like I wanted), I found myself in a curious position. At times
I was more worried for the boys she was going out with than her. She can be a
bit of a force of nature. I don’t know why I was surprised, considering she is
my darling wife’s daughter…<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">In any case, I still felt the need to assert my
fatherly prerogative and check out all the potential suitors and judge them all
inadequate before finally meeting them. One of the few perks of being a Dad
that I try to exercise as often as possible.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I do all the usual things. Don’t smile when I meet
them for the first time. Polish a huge gun barrel when they come to pick her up
(I don’t have a full gun, just the barrel. It works most of the time). Check out
their social media profiles, follow them on dates, hire private detectives, use
drones for surveillance, the normal things dads with daughter do to make sure
things go well.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">And this is where I can sympathize with Darth
Vader, especially the part when he's on the Cloud City.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.dudemeetsdad.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/father-and-daughter-2.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://www.dudemeetsdad.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/father-and-daughter-2.png" width="312" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a class="irc_itl" data-ved="0CAcQjB0wADioAg" href="http://www.google.com/url?sa=i&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=9dsPfxe-lBp4AM&tbnid=tAhPOK5zZr4y_M:&ved=0CAcQjB0wADioAg&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.dudemeetsdad.com%2Frules-for-dads-with-daughters%2Ffather-and-daughter-2%2F&ei=D1ohUamOL4rlyAG1ioDwAQ&psig=AFQjCNFikwYcEm8l98CHEKYV0NeG9CcXlg&ust=1361226639836373" id="irc_hol" style="line-height: 16px; text-align: start; text-decoration: initial; white-space: nowrap;"><span id="irc_ho" style="background-color: black; color: white; margin-right: -2px; padding-right: 2px; text-decoration: underline;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">www.dudemeetsdad.com</span></span></a></td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Darth Vader is waiting patiently in a dining room,
when the door opens up and there stands a beautiful princess hand-in-hand with
a half-witted, scruffy-looking, Nerf herding smuggler who promptly tries to
shoot Vader with his laser pistol. Imagine!</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Of course Vader's fatherly instincts kick in right
away. He promptly grabs the laser pistol out of the boyfriend`s hand (using the
fatherly Force), has them both hustled inside the dining room and sat down for
a good ol' fashioned heart-to-heart talk.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">As a father myself, I think I'd do the same thing
Darth does. He immediately sends both of them to their rooms for a time out.
It's too bad their rooms have to be on the prison level, but it was a long
weekend and all the other rooms were taken. The fact that Vader appears to
torture the boyfriend may make a few people squirm, especially when the
boyfriend says “He didn't even ask me any questions!”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Potential boyfriends take note. Of course he
didn't ask questions! You tried to shoot him on sight! You didn't ask his
permission to date his daughter! He doesn't have to ask you anything!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaitaz__xlcf6Wu4o7PPrnOCKkYpbff9AOaRah3pGhjZdUt6Yb8wYdqYFtySwm4ys__YbmT2xs9LYbkhEmMOtldNE-Wu_Xh1tDBji-yjQxJaXHqXV-tAKuv5jIyWcCdPNlhCiuyP_bSsM/s1600/han-solo-frozen-in-carbonite_3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="255" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaitaz__xlcf6Wu4o7PPrnOCKkYpbff9AOaRah3pGhjZdUt6Yb8wYdqYFtySwm4ys__YbmT2xs9LYbkhEmMOtldNE-Wu_Xh1tDBji-yjQxJaXHqXV-tAKuv5jIyWcCdPNlhCiuyP_bSsM/s320/han-solo-frozen-in-carbonite_3.jpg" width="320" /></span></a><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The next thing Darth Vader does is put the
boyfriend in Carbonite. Basically freezes him in a block of alloy and puts him
on a wall as a decorative piece of artwork. Still alive, but unable to date
much. I thought it a very reasonable thing to do, all things considered. I'd do
the same thing. And it sends a very clear message to any other would-be
suitors.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So have a little sympathy for Vader next time you
watch the movie. There’s a little bit of him in every father.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go back to the Death
Star, umm, garage to get a few things ready for my daughter's next visit.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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Davehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02207873921712424328noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1037213021580265133.post-81968970953733908242013-02-11T21:46:00.002-07:002013-02-11T21:46:56.109-07:00I missed...<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Well, crap.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I missed a day somewhere and am still trying to find it. I'll be back Friday or Saturday (unless it's one of those days that have gone missing...)</span>Davehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02207873921712424328noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1037213021580265133.post-61140118060169241902013-02-02T21:26:00.001-07:002013-02-02T21:26:44.134-07:00Passwords<br />
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.spycrunch.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/spy-gadgets.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="212" src="http://www.spycrunch.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/spy-gadgets.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a class="irc_itl" data-ved="0CAQQjB0" href="https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=bu-ZIIn0YM4f9M&tbnid=KfE925RdG6ya2M:&ved=0CAQQjB0&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.spycrunch.com%2Fspy-gear%2Fcheap-spy-gadgets-at-bigboxstore.html&ei=U-QNUYraG6eAiwKMs4CgCg&psig=AFQjCNGwtekkHF2TUPepvgHvnDTd1FxL_w&ust=1359951201811044" id="irc_hol" style="background-color: #222222; color: #1122cc; cursor: pointer; font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 16px; text-align: left; text-decoration: initial; white-space: nowrap;"><span id="irc_ho" style="color: white; margin-right: -2px; padding-right: 2px; text-decoration: underline;">www.spycrunch.com</span></a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">You know, as a kid, I always wanted to be a spy or special
agent, with all the cool gadgets, hidden headquarters and secret passwords.
Especially secret passwords.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Now that I'm all grown up - at least physically - I still
want the cool gadgets and a hidden HQ (where I can sit in peace and quiet once
in a while). </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Passwords, though? Not so much…</span></div>
<a name='more'></a><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">One company forced special password requirements on all of
us. We needed a password to log into the system, then another to log into our
workstation, another to open the program and the last to get into our company
email so we could see what we needed to do that day.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The problem was, if you didn't put in your passwords fast enough,
the system would time out and you'd have to start all over again. It was awful
if you had to go to the bathroom - there was no way to get down the hall, do
your business and get back in time to keep the system alive. We spent most of
our day re-logging into the system as opposed to getting any actual work done.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">At another workplace, it was drilled into me by the IT
folks: never, EVER, use the same password for multiple
sites/computers/banks/beer fridges or to get into your locker. Never write your
password down in a place where someone might be able to get at it. Change your
password at least every forty-five days, preferably every thirty days. There
were the rules we had to live by.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I laughed it off at first. I figured, why would anyone want
my password? I never have any money in the bank, my work wasn't proprietary and
I didn't have any deep, dark secrets to hide. I think.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So he set about to convince me. If someone managed to get my
password, say, my computer login at work, they could conceivably change my
filing system, move documents, place a virus onto my hard drive, change my
background picture to a fuzzy cat or send a scathing email to my boss.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.lolpix.com/_pics/Funny_Pictures_1035/Funny_Pictures_10356.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://www.lolpix.com/_pics/Funny_Pictures_1035/Funny_Pictures_10356.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Then the heavens would rend open and all manner of bad
things would happen. The worst of which would be not being able to change the
picture on my background and having to stare at that damn cat all the time.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">That scared the bejeezus out of me so, needless to say, I
took his advice to heart.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Anyway, I still remember that speech and all the terrible
things that could happen to me and all my precious information, so I diligently
make up different passwords, PIN's and log-ins for everything I have access to,
anywhere.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The problem I have now is I can't remember all the passwords
without a little help. I have so many, I can fill up three pages of foolscap
but if I do that, it means I have to put the papers in a safe place.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">If I put the papers in a safe place, I may (<i>read: will</i>) never find them again and be
locked out of every website and debit machine forever. Or at least until I get
to the bank and change my PIN for the forty-seventh time.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://blogs.scientificamerican.com/thoughtful-animal/files/2011/08/gorilla-scratching-head.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://blogs.scientificamerican.com/thoughtful-animal/files/2011/08/gorilla-scratching-head.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="background-color: #444444; color: #999999;">http://blogs.scientificamerican.com/thoughtful-animal/files/<br />2011/08/gorilla-scratching-head.jpg</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I can't put them on my computer, cause then when someone
does break past my firewalls and hacks my system (probably by looking over my
shoulder), I'll be done for. I could put them on my phone with a special app
that will secure the information with a 1028-bit, state-of-the-art, military
grade, booby-trapped encryption/decryption algorithm with public/private keys
and a quantum cypher. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">That way I'll know my data is safe. Even from me. Odds are
I'll forget the password to the passwords. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">See you at the bank…</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
Davehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02207873921712424328noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1037213021580265133.post-74093893464667636552013-01-26T21:35:00.000-07:002013-01-26T21:35:07.596-07:00Pranks<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">People sometimes wonder where I got my sense of humour from.
Actually, people sometimes just wonder about me in general. Oh well.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLcP0c9fILg4-MMeVyUD6qRdcW6duFdMs9fw6qC-77Xz8ggMqhnh7xz8pgBopupnmrN9LxgiGbjLdjLdky-q-Fa0EJrn3lagebO5gaXyunwr_TCIxaRhod_LQ8_27PDjPPnIh1DzV8pA0/s1600/Hank+Xmas+2009.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="199" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLcP0c9fILg4-MMeVyUD6qRdcW6duFdMs9fw6qC-77Xz8ggMqhnh7xz8pgBopupnmrN9LxgiGbjLdjLdky-q-Fa0EJrn3lagebO5gaXyunwr_TCIxaRhod_LQ8_27PDjPPnIh1DzV8pA0/s320/Hank+Xmas+2009.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I’m going to come right and say it’s all my parents’ fault.
Mostly my dad’s to be honest. He’s 77
years old this year, going on twelve. He’ll still deny stealing a fresh baked
cookie, even when he has chocolate on his face and crumbs on his shirt. That’s
consistency!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">From my Mom, I received the gift of appreciating the humour
in family situations. Many a day went by when I’d find Mom sitting in the
kitchen or living room, giggling quietly to herself because the dog wore his
food bowl as a hat or the cat tried to catch a butterfly through a screen
window. Maybe it was just from watching us kids get ready for school. </span></div>
<a name='more'></a><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I think
it was also because Mom was a nurse for 35 years – a very good nurse – and we
all know that anyone in the medical field has a pretty good sense of humour in
any case. They have to have a sense of the absurd, just to get through their
day sometimes.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Even with all that, it was always easy to laugh at our
house. My Dad was exceptional at finding ways to have fun and tease the rest of
the family at any moment. One of the best pranks he pulled was on a sunny
winter day. We had received about three feet of snow over the previous two
weeks and Dad decided it was a smart thing to shovel off the roof of the house.
Not the sidewalk, the roof. I don’t know why either.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://oswegocountytoday.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/SNOW-Jack-Hackett-of-Fulton-shoveling-snow-off-barn-roof-in-Hannibal-300x352.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://oswegocountytoday.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/SNOW-Jack-Hackett-of-Fulton-shoveling-snow-off-barn-roof-in-Hannibal-300x352.jpg" width="272" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Beautiful blue sky and Dad had already finished the lower
roof at the back of the house. Mom had sent me out to watch and yell when – not
if - Dad fell off the roof. Anyway, each
push of the shovel sent a veritable avalanche of snow onto the sidewalk that
went along the front of the family room window. After the second push, Dad
called down to me and says, “Get your Mom and sister out here”.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">“Why?” I asked. “Don’t ask why,” he said “just get them out
here under this line I’m pushing.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"> “How am I going to do
that?” I said. “Think of something!” he said. That was a lot of help.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So I went into the kitchen where Mom and Sis were baking up
a storm. Racking my brains (and having a hard time of it, due to the heavenly
smells of fresh cookies and cakes), I acted all excited and said there was a
really cool plane flying around the neighbourhood and they really, REALLY have
to see it! It will only take a second, honest!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So the ladies came out the front door, wiping their hands on
their aprons. I told them to walk in front of the family room window and I ran
out to the street to let them know when ‘the plane’ would arrive over the
house. I knew I had to be out of the
avalanche zone as well as the Zone of Death my sister would encompass after
this little bit of fun. I told them to move a little to the right, just a bit
more, perfect!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">“Where is it? It’s cold out here” my sister yelled to me.
“Look up now – here it comes!” I answered, just as Dad pushed half the snow
that was on the roof on top of them.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">It was perfect.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://graphics8.nytimes.com/images/2008/12/26/greathomesanddestinations/12-26-08RoofRGB.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="160" src="http://graphics8.nytimes.com/images/2008/12/26/greathomesanddestinations/12-26-08RoofRGB.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Just as they looked straight up, the snow hit them. The
screams could be heard blocks away. Thank goodness the neighbours knew us well
enough to ignore the shrieks. With a wringing of hands and flapping of shirt
collars, Mom and Sis ran back into the house.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Between the two of us, Dad and I must have laughed for
fifteen minutes straight. It didn't</span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"> matter that we might be having dog food for
dinner while the rest of the family had steak. It was a masterful prank that
will go down in the Family history.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
Davehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02207873921712424328noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1037213021580265133.post-38069534169177980092013-01-20T17:50:00.000-07:002013-01-20T17:50:29.745-07:00No Gun Hunting<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.aaa-a.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/Nudes-Guns-Ghosts-The-Sensational-Cinema-of-Shintoho.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="227" src="http://www.aaa-a.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/Nudes-Guns-Ghosts-The-Sensational-Cinema-of-Shintoho.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="background-color: black; font-family: arial; line-height: 15px; text-align: start;"><span style="color: #cccccc;">aaa-a.org</span></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Back in my traveling days, I was lucky enough to spend some
time in New Zealand. It was an era where you could actually get around the
country by hitchhiking, without fear of ending up as fodder for a horror film.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">My buddy Murray and I were heading south to Auckland to meet
up with our friend Cliff. We were at a crossroads when a small car slowed down
to pick us up. It was a Government of New Zealand vehicle and the driver looked
us over, measuring and weighing the options, while Mur and I tried to look as
innocent and trustworthy as possible.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Quit laughing - we could pull it off back then.</span></div>
<a name='more'></a><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">The driver bought our act, er, believed that we were safe
and pulled over to pick us up. One of the first things he said to us was
"This is a federal government car and I'm not supposed to pick up
hitchhikers, so you have to be ready to duck if we pass by any other government
cars, okay?"</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The car was a little subcompact and we had two large
backpacks and were a head taller than the driver. Mur and I looked at each
other, then turned to the driver and said "Sure, not a problem!"</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">We piled into the car and set off. The driver was a
talkative little fellow that loved taking the back roads everywhere. He talked
a mile-a-minute and knew a ton of the history of every road we traveled on. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://funnyasduck.net/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/funny-turtle-balancing-rock-no-hands-pics.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="236" src="http://funnyasduck.net/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/funny-turtle-balancing-rock-no-hands-pics.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">One of the problems with this, was he talked a lot with his
hands. Maybe he was an Italian Kiwi or a French Kiwi, I don't know, but he
continually let the car drive itself for a few hundred meters before grabbing
the wheel and keeping us on the highway. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">As we were heading up a hill, doing 100 km/hr or so, we came
upon a couple of sheep that were munching grass on the shoulder. Not an unusual
sight, seeing as there are about 400 sheep to every New Zealander. All of a
sudden, our driver yells at Murray, "Why didn't you open your door?" </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Mur literally jumped in his seat, his seatbelt the only
thing keeping his head from banging the roof. "Umm, what?" he said.
"If you had opened your door at the right time, we could have bagged one
of those sheep! We just pop it into the boot and my butcher friend would take
care of the rest and we could have had a lamb roast for dinner! Next time you
see a lamb on the side of the road, flip your door open!"</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">What could Mur say? "Okay, no problem! I'll get the
next one!"</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.clipartheaven.com/clipart/holidays/thanksgiving/chasing-turkey-1-clipart.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="252" src="http://www.clipartheaven.com/clipart/holidays/thanksgiving/chasing-turkey-1-clipart.gif" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="background-color: black; font-family: arial; line-height: 15px; text-align: start;"><span style="color: #eeeeee;">clipartheaven.com</span></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">That settled, we drove for another few minutes and learned
more about the countryside. All of a sudden, the driver slams on the brakes and
jumps out of the car and races across the road and up a little hill.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"></span><br /><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">At this point, Murray and I are trying to figure out how to
either a) drive a right-hand drive car so we could keep going, or b) find
another ride on a back road where we haven't seen another car for 30 minutes,
all the while keeping an eye on our driver who was stalking a wild turkey up a
hill.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"></span><br /><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Before we could come up with a good plan, our driver came
back to the car, sans turkey. "Damn birds," he muttered,
"They're smart ones. If I could have caught it, we'd throw it in the boot
and my butcher friend could fix it up and we'd have a turkey roast for dinner!"</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">We finally made it back to the main highway and our driver
dropped us at a roadside café and took off with a wave. Apart from seeing some
incredible scenery, Murray and I both learned how to hunt sheep and wild
turkeys with nothing but a subcompact car. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">All we had to do is find a butcher friend…</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"></span><br /><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"></span><br /><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"></span></div>
Davehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02207873921712424328noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1037213021580265133.post-89151119722879750822013-01-12T19:05:00.000-07:002013-01-12T19:05:32.341-07:00Recovery<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I need a nap. It's not because I've had the requisite 3.7
pounds of turkey, with all the sides: mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes with
marshmallows on top, several vegetables of various colours and shapes and as
much dessert as I could fit in afterwards.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSXRCXBOw3Gof5zO54pLu9_tacAPrYIBFor_AlAICiOUU4hiXiuVumwLVfdwA" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="138" src="http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSXRCXBOw3Gof5zO54pLu9_tacAPrYIBFor_AlAICiOUU4hiXiuVumwLVfdwA" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="background-color: #444444; font-family: arial; line-height: 15px; text-align: start;"><span style="color: #cccccc;">theclipartwizard.com</span></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">It's also not because I had to stay up until 3:00 am to put
together a doll house or tricycle - the kids are all old enough to want
smartphones and money now, which has saved me a lot of grief over the last few
years…besides, my darling wife and I woke up well before the kids on Christmas
Day. Go figure.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">No, I think I need to have a snooze to try and rest up from
all the aftershocks of this Christmas/New Year season. Being an independent contractor
means having to take as many jobs as possible. If you don't, then one day
you'll finish up a project and realize there will be too much month at the end
of the money, so I was working until the very last minute.</span></div>
<a name='more'></a><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">There's also the adrenaline shock that every good male in
the country has when he realizes that there is only two or three days before
Christmas and he doesn't have a gift for his better half. And no, the windshield
de-icer or extension cord from the corner gas station does not count as an
appropriate gift. This much, I've learned.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Couple that with all the added joy of Christmas shopping for
everyone else in your family (thank you, my darling wife for doing mine),
putting up lights (thank you, my darling daughter - had 'em done when I got
home one day!!), shovelling sidewalks during the deep freeze (thanks, boys! Nice
try, waiting for a Chinook) and working right up to Christmas Eve, it makes a
guy tired!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Then there are the after Christmas duties - Boxing Day sales
(thank goodness I spent all my money before Christmas), the big family
get-together (can't wait!) and getting prepared for New Year's Eve! Even if
that means just cleaning the laundry after the family get-together. We can be a
raucous bunch.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://static.artlover.me/images/art2/niko-pirosmani-family-feast.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="224" src="http://static.artlover.me/images/art2/niko-pirosmani-family-feast.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Don't forget the dishes. Mounds and mounds of dishes, some
of which I've never seen before and probably won’t see ever again. It seems
like every dish in the house is used for the holiday meals. What's worse is
some of them can't, or won't, fit in the dishwasher.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I can fit an entire bachelor apartment into the back of my
van, with some clever planning and a modicum of carefully applied pressure.
Apparently, this is against the house rules with a dishwasher. I'm pretty sure
I can get twice as many dishes into the washer but every time I try, I don't
even get a chance to see if the door closes before my wife makes me take three
or fifteen dishes out. And using the clothes washing machine is definitely
verboten. Even if it's a front loader.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I'm not even taking into account the New Year's resolutions
I had to make up and promptly break on January 2<sup>nd</sup>. It's hard for
me to think up great resolutions that I can ignore almost immediately. I've
used up all the easy ones, like exercising more and eating healthier. Those go
out the window on December 25<sup>th</sup> and January 1<sup>st</sup>
respectively. They tell me it's time to make real resolutions, ones that you
can keep. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">That's why I need a nap. One, I have to regain some energy
to make the resolutions that work. Two, I have to try and catch up on the sleep
I'm losing trying to make these resolutions. Three, well, I like naps. I think
I'll have to build a New Year's resolution for that. That way I know I can keep
at least one…</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/6766310656/h4E155391/" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="211" src="https://i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/6766310656/h4E155391/" width="320" /></a></div>
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Davehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02207873921712424328noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1037213021580265133.post-80676564679769140642013-01-06T18:45:00.000-07:002013-01-06T18:45:02.221-07:00Men and Women Explained<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaKqcJr3f-EZxTv0UwpB4jq3l6eLg2m5HhiO3mRZyg8RSPLqx0tkKP_h4u8235dAhryyoRjCr2qeFMLjTFJr3dy0pipABlQW2jNpfrlMyuXj8yZx4Sm5tjOjhCDlyjJwMxIVQNNto2Y54/s1600/Man+and+Woman.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="195" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaKqcJr3f-EZxTv0UwpB4jq3l6eLg2m5HhiO3mRZyg8RSPLqx0tkKP_h4u8235dAhryyoRjCr2qeFMLjTFJr3dy0pipABlQW2jNpfrlMyuXj8yZx4Sm5tjOjhCDlyjJwMxIVQNNto2Y54/s320/Man+and+Woman.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Today we talk about the differences between Man and Woman. It's the
start of a new year and we should try to set some ground rules and
expectations. Besides, my kids want me to lay off them for a while.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Men are fascinated by big explosions, shiny things and bodily functions
that involve any kind of gas. We (men) are content to accept things the way
they are and do not have to dig for a deeper truth in everything we see. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Women
seem to need to dig down, get every detail, significant or not. Men already
have all the info they need to make a decision. There is a simplicity to our
methods that works very well. We get enough data to make a decision and go with
it. We don't have to obsess over a lot of detail.</span></div>
<a name='more'></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; line-height: 150%;">Here's a perfect example. Just after my darling wife and I got married,
we were transferred up to </span><st1:place style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; line-height: 150%;" w:st="on"><st1:city w:st="on">Dawson City</st1:city>,
<st1:state w:st="on">Yukon</st1:state></st1:place><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; line-height: 150%;">. We had a stopover in </span><st1:city style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; line-height: 150%;" w:st="on">Edmonton</st1:city><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; line-height: 150%;"> for a few days,
so I called some friends, Mike and Nadine, to see if we could stay at their
place til we left for the Great White North. No problem, he says, when do you
come up? End of July, I say, for about three days. No problem, I'll pick you up
at the airport, he says. We hang up and all is good. This is in June.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Now it's the end of July. As we arrive in <st1:city w:st="on">Edmonton</st1:city>, my wife and I are just coming out
of the arrival gate when Nadine comes into the terminal, looking flushed and
frantic. The look of relief on her face as she saw us was immense.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 150%;">“I can’t believe it. Mike just let me know that you were coming in
today” Nadine said breathlessly. “He </span><span style="line-height: 24px;">wasn't</span><span style="line-height: 150%;"> sure what flight you were on but
said if I left right away, I could meet just about every flight until you
arrived”.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Not once did she look at me –everything was directed to my darling wife.
Possibly because I said “Not to worry! It’s perfect timing, we just got off the
plane!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxHXdx0YFTnTuiOZ8Dv13Uaa4GACx4YligX3YUWGLKojrp9T6arhCEYWJUaFGdBmJEAkXfsh2_xCc9z9fKKjaN41flYXm8kCzb6OMcy-hhHk8-ELfJoRFykEAG-maLZtK83JY1MsQB2kg/s1600/bengal+tigers.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxHXdx0YFTnTuiOZ8Dv13Uaa4GACx4YligX3YUWGLKojrp9T6arhCEYWJUaFGdBmJEAkXfsh2_xCc9z9fKKjaN41flYXm8kCzb6OMcy-hhHk8-ELfJoRFykEAG-maLZtK83JY1MsQB2kg/s320/bengal+tigers.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; line-height: 150%;">Next thing you know, two women are facing me, staring with that stare
that means I am in trouble. It's the same stare that </span><st1:place style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; line-height: 150%;" w:st="on">Bengal</st1:place><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; line-height: 150%;">
tigers use when they are stalking their prey. It's the same stare that your Mom
used when she figured out that you ate the cookies just before dinner, not your
brother. Time to get the luggage…</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Anyway, it turns out that Mike called his wife about 40 minutes prior,
saying that we were on our way and could she please pick us up. When the lady
asked about the flight number, airline or time of arrival, my friend hemmed and
hawed and said, "Don't worry, dear, if you head up now, they are probably
already there". Not the best choice of words, I have to admit. I'll let
your imagination fill in the rest of the ride back to the house and the ensuing
dinner conversation. And no, I did not get a word in edgewise or otherwise. I
am a man, but even I have learned when to keep my mouth shut at times.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So here's what I'm getting at. Mike and I knew exactly what was required
to complete the task at hand. We needed a lift and a place to stay for a couple
of days. Mike and I made plans a month ahead (an eternity for guys) and the
plans worked out perfectly. No one waited for anyone and we all got to the
right places at the right time.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I still don't know why my buddy and I had to eat outside with the dogs.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.blogcdn.com/main.stylelist.com/media/2009/12/men-in-doghouses-425tp120209.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="203" src="http://www.blogcdn.com/main.stylelist.com/media/2009/12/men-in-doghouses-425tp120209.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="background-color: #444444; font-family: arial; line-height: 15px; text-align: start;"><span style="color: #cccccc;">main.stylelist.com</span></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<br /></div>
Davehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02207873921712424328noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1037213021580265133.post-3626692534971735842012-12-29T22:11:00.001-07:002012-12-29T22:11:23.604-07:00Socks<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.comingunmoored.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/05/socks.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://www.comingunmoored.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/05/socks.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="background-color: #444444; font-family: arial; line-height: 15px; text-align: start;"><span style="color: #f3f3f3;">comingunmoored.com</span></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">New Year, new day. new socks. It’s been a good year so far.
There’s nothing like putting on a pair of brand new socks first thing in the
morning. The smooth feel along the bottom of your foot, the way your heel
slides right into the heel cup and none of that pesky sock fluff piling up
between your toes right away.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">This may all sound pretty funny coming from a guy who goes
barefoot in the middle of the winter. I put this down to my early hockey years.
I spent so many weekends and evenings at the rink as a kid, putting skates on
at -20 degrees (Fahrenheit or Celsius, take your pick) that I learned quickly
how to keep my feet warm almost anywhere.</span></div>
<a name='more'></a><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">My feet will be perfectly toasty during the day, but between
the time I brush my teeth and jump under the comforter in the evening, my
tootsies are like chunks of ice. Ask my darling wife. Or my neighbours. </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">They've</span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"> probably heard the yell of shock from my wife as I put my feet on hers so
they’ll warm up...</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Socks are a bit of a sore point in this house. I have grey
socks mostly, because that colour seemed to go with the blah beige pants I use
to have to wear at work and just about any colour of shoes that you care to
pick. I have a couple pair of black socks for those special occasions and
absolutely no white socks. Maybe the white socks are the grey ones now, but it doesn't really matter.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The kids have black socks as well and apparently, I can’t
tell them apart when they’re in the laundry basket to be folded. Honestly, can
anyone tell that one black sock doesn't go with another? They’re black, for
Heaven’s sake!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfyODpZzTT9xOnurB3Ywx2hvTots92wBc0U2I4SW0xRfCUyjm5yGxzzp6ibjgg_r95TfvYIlyz-wK1Mxv8kff20wnKPpi50xxAtPbfnaPfK5EPy9EAYEBN8DlAe7tfDw3W6OmjUm8FIJ4/s1600/DSC_1134.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfyODpZzTT9xOnurB3Ywx2hvTots92wBc0U2I4SW0xRfCUyjm5yGxzzp6ibjgg_r95TfvYIlyz-wK1Mxv8kff20wnKPpi50xxAtPbfnaPfK5EPy9EAYEBN8DlAe7tfDw3W6OmjUm8FIJ4/s320/DSC_1134.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="background-color: #444444; font-family: arial; line-height: 15px; text-align: start;"><span style="color: #f3f3f3;">city--love.blogspot.com</span></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">The kid’s white socks are easier to sort – they have
particular dirt patterns ground into the soles, depending on the kid who wore
them last. Better yet, because they’re white, I don’t really care. They all go
into a basket in the downstairs hallway and I let the kids duke it out for
matching pairs.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I just know that if I don’t get socks for Christmas, I am in
deep trouble. I have enough to last eleven months and eighteen days, if I’m
lucky. Shorter, if I’m doing the laundry for a few weeks by myself. Does anyone
know where those odd socks go from the dryer? I've checked the exhaust vent and
even installed a sock trap, but I still have nine socks with no matches. I wouldn't mind (or care) if they were black, but no luck.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">There was one Christmas when I didn't get any socks at all.
Not one pair. I was devastated. It just wasn't Christmas without new socks.
Being the quiet type, I made it known in a respectful manner that I was not a
happy camper. That means I looked through everyone else’s gifts and stockings
for my socks (looking in stockings for socks – how apropos) for about an hour.
Then I sulked.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Flash forward to next Christmas. I could not believe the
haul I had under the tree. I was quite excited as I dove into the packages. The
first – a bundle of socks, nice and fluffy. Excellent! Onto the next gift and
once again, some socks wrapped up in a bow. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Wonderful! The next, another pair
of socks. You can see where this is going. By the time I was done, I had
twenty-seven pairs, all neatly lined up along the top of the chesterfield. Who
knew that pawing through everyone’s stuff would yield this kind of result?! </span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I tried going through everyone else’s stuff, muttering about
a new car with a killer stereo. I’ll let you know how it works next year.</span></div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Technology/Pix/pictures/2010/12/9/1291905168722/Car-radio-006.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="192" src="http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Technology/Pix/pictures/2010/12/9/1291905168722/Car-radio-006.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="background-color: #444444; font-family: arial; line-height: 15px; text-align: start;"><span style="color: #f3f3f3;">guardian.co.uk</span></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
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Davehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02207873921712424328noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1037213021580265133.post-12915254771700050032012-12-22T21:14:00.001-07:002012-12-22T21:14:31.926-07:00Merry Christmas!<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.deviantart.com/download/71934124/Merry_Christmas__by_chopeh.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="256" src="http://www.deviantart.com/download/71934124/Merry_Christmas__by_chopeh.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="background-color: black; font-family: arial; line-height: 15px; text-align: start;"><span style="color: #eeeeee;">chopeh.deviantart.com</span></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">M</span></b> is for the many Months
that I have had to do my Christmas Shopping, but didn't.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">E</span></b> is for the Excitement
starting to build about having the family back together soon.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">R</span></b> is for getting Ready to
dive into the stores and refuse to leave until the shopping is done. I should
have done more training. Lucky I still have elbow, shoulder and knee pads for
protection from the crowds.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">R</span></b> is for Rum. You can
never have too much, especially at Christmas.</span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Y</span></b> is for why oh why did I
not put up the Christmas lights earlier?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">A space is to pause long enough to take a breath.</span></div>
<a name='more'></a><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">C</span></b><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"> is for all the fantastic
Cooking that happens during this season. No matter where you go, there are bake
sales and spiced cookies and wonderful smells in the air.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">H</span></b> is for helping others
during the season. Whether it's shoveling a sidewalk, contributing to the food
bank or offering a smile and space to help people relax and focus.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">R</span></b> is for Rum, again. Might
interfere with the focus part of Point <b>H</b>
above, but is great for the relaxation. Need I say more?</span></div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.hispanicallyspeakingnews.com/uploads/images/article-images/ChristmasDrinkingReindeer.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="211" src="http://www.hispanicallyspeakingnews.com/uploads/images/article-images/ChristmasDrinkingReindeer.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="background-color: black; font-family: arial; line-height: 15px; text-align: start;"><span style="color: #eeeeee;">thegreenvillage.ie</span></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<b style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I</span></b><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"> is for Intent - to carry
through with all the good intentions you have thought about all year. Make them
real and be able to start a new year on a great footing.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">S</span></b> is for Snow and the
wonderful white Christmases we have around here. Snow for tobogganing, skiing, snow-shoeing,
snowman-building, snowball fights, melting into ice for skating rinks, making
icicles and throwing down someone's collar. That's my favourite.</span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">T</span></b> is for Too much eggnog.
Always a risk, but for those who dream of eggnog in the middle of July (as does
my darling wife), it's a risk they're willing to take. Just so you know, there
is no such thing as too much rum.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">M</span></b> is for making Merry.
Visiting with friends and neighbours and catching up on the happenings of the
past few months. Relaxing and knowing that the year is almost done and a new
year is about to begin.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">A</span></b> is for Anticipation.
That feeling of eagerness and excitement that builds and builds and makes your
insides wiggle (note - this is not the same wiggle you get when you have too
much eggnog). The feeling that you get when you know special things are going
to happen and you never want that feeling to end but you really, really want
the feeling to end so you can get to the good parts but the expectation is one
of the best parts…you know, this could go on forever.</span></div>
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/6/62/Nativity_tree2011.jpg/300px-Nativity_tree2011.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/6/62/Nativity_tree2011.jpg/300px-Nativity_tree2011.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="background-color: black; font-family: arial; line-height: 15px; text-align: start;"><span style="color: #eeeeee;">en.wikipedia.org</span></span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">S</span></b> is for the Story. The
original reason for the holiday and remembering that it's not about the
presents, the food or the rum. It's about the opportunity to realize that we
are all in this together, all over the world and Christmas is a time to make
the effort to bring Peace and Goodwill to all.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">From my family to yours, we wish you a wonderfully Merry
Christmas and a fantastically Happy New Year!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
Davehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02207873921712424328noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1037213021580265133.post-22563924925478516512012-12-15T19:59:00.002-07:002012-12-15T19:59:43.851-07:00Christmas Day Wake Ups<br />
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.mrsvangelista.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/cartoon-snoring-saidaonline.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="197" src="http://www.mrsvangelista.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/cartoon-snoring-saidaonline.gif" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="background-color: #444444; font-family: arial; line-height: 15px; text-align: start;"><span style="color: #eeeeee;">mrsvangelista.com</span></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"> I am very happy to be able to tell you this
story now. My kids have all reached the age where sleeping in is the norm. If
they had their way, they’d sleep until two in the afternoon, eat brunch, watch
TV or play Xbox for a couple of hours, ask what’s for dinner, then back to TV
and Xbox til eleven p.m. and repeat the cycle ad infinitum. Especially on
Christmas Day! We even have to schedule their chores between nap times…it reminds
me of when they were babies, except now they have bigger shoes. Same amount of
work gets done.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">It would have been, well, bad, if I
had related this story any earlier in their lives. You’ll understand in a
moment.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<br />
<a name='more'></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I vividly remember one Christmas
when I was ten or eleven years old. It had been a great lead up to the Big Day
– school had let out at least five days before, there was two feet of snow on
the ground but it was still warm enough to play hockey and go sledding without
dressing up like the Michelin Man. My folks had a bit of a wild look in their
eyes, but we were used to that. The wild look usually appeared if all of us
kids were home for more than three days.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Anyway, we had a tradition in our household. My Dad would set a time limit on when we could get up in the
morning to open presents. The years we went to Midnight Mass were easy – we
stayed up until after Mass and we got to open our gifts (the trick was staying
up during Mass). This year was a bit different. We went to an early Christmas
Eve Mass, so the rule was we had to wait until Christmas morning to dive under
the tree.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">My Mom when she said she didn’t
mind when we woke her up. Yippee! Five a.m. on the dot! My siblings and I were
about to set our alarm clocks when my Dad said, “Okay, you can wake up your Mom,
only if you knock on her door and not mine”. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">This threw us for a loop. One
master bedroom, one door for the pair of them. Darn, how were we going to get
around this one? As we headed up to bed, my Dad had a smug look on his face. He
was sure to get up around 7:00 a.m., spoiling at least two hours of flying
wrapping paper and screams of delight. Did he not understand? </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://stumptownblogger.typepad.com/.a/6a010536b86d36970c0147e28f34c3970b-800wi" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://stumptownblogger.typepad.com/.a/6a010536b86d36970c0147e28f34c3970b-800wi" width="173" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="background-color: #444444; font-family: arial; line-height: 15px; text-align: start;"><span style="color: #f3f3f3;">stumptownblogger.com</span></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">(I understand now, having been up
until 6:45 a.m. putting together “easily assembled” toys. Sorry, Pop.)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">We kids struggled with the problem.
The answer came to me in a flash. The year before, my folks bought me a
electric guitar with an amplifier. It was a small practice amp, just half the
width of say, a standard master bedroom door. Stay with me folks…</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">After everyone went to bed, I snuck
out and told my brother and sister the plan. I got a piece of paper, cut a
long, thin strip out and taped it vertically down the middle of the door. I put
a little label that said “Mom” on one side of the door and one that said “Dad”
for the other side.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Giddy, I went back to bed and set
the clock for 5:00 a.m. At the appointed hour, I met my siblings in the hallway
and prepared. I have to say that I hadn’t really practiced the guitar very much
over the past year, but I did know about three chords that I could play. If all
else failed, I would just pound the strings. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Amp set at ‘10’, power on, siblings
hiding behind the laundry basket, just in case, the concert began! Within the
first three bars, Dad had jumped out of bed and yanked the door open, ready to
cancel Christmas. Secure in my own special logic, I simply pointed to the
bottom of the door and mentioned that the speaker was in front of Mom’s door,
not his. Dad tried to say something, anything, but lost the battle. Shaking his
head, he and Mom grabbed their robes and we all headed downstairs.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The flying wrapping paper did not
disappoint.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://cltampa.com/binary/4c2f/Wrapping-Paper_web.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://cltampa.com/binary/4c2f/Wrapping-Paper_web.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
Davehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02207873921712424328noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1037213021580265133.post-81198294173830894152012-12-08T19:00:00.000-07:002012-12-08T19:00:16.429-07:00Christmas Mysteries<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.imperialgiftline.com/ucc/singlebox.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="206" src="http://www.imperialgiftline.com/ucc/singlebox.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="background-color: black; font-family: arial; line-height: 15px; text-align: start;"><span style="color: white;">imperialgiftline.com</span></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">There are many mysteries in this
world, especially at this time of year. The mystery of the Star of Bethlehem,
how the wise men followed the signs, and what the heck is frankincense and
myrrh, anyway? There is also the mystery of how men and women cope with
shopping for Christmas. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I have known several women who
delight in shopping for Christmas presents all year round. I can never figure
out how they can be walking by a display and suddenly grab a widget off the
shelf, proudly stating “this will be perfect for Cuddles for Christmas!”, even
when it’s 27 degrees Celsius in the middle of an African village. I mean, where
do they hide these items for the next six months?!?</span></div>
<a name='more'></a><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; line-height: 150%;">Here’s a true story. My Mom is a
saint, having put up with us kids and her husband. Don’t worry, he’ll be the
first to admit it. It won’t change anything, but at least he admits it…</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Ever the great shopper, Mom had
found some beautiful foot-long candy canes, early in November (right after
Halloween probably), and thought they’d be a great treat. Knowing that her
husband was the biggest kid of all and able to sniff out any treats, Mom hid
the canes in a special place. Probably down low, since Dad and us kids never,
ever bent over to look for anything. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">It was pretty successful. None of the
kids found them and we’re pretty sure Dad didn’t either, which is saying
something. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Come Christmas Day, we were all
opening presents and enjoying ourselves when Mom jumped up with a start and
yelled “The candy canes!” and dashed out of the room. The rest of us just kept
on opening our gifts and talking – we are used to this type of behaviour. We
caused it. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://crunchydomesticgoddess.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/candy-cane.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://crunchydomesticgoddess.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/candy-cane.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="background-color: black; font-family: arial; line-height: 15px; text-align: start;"><span style="color: white;">crunchydomesticgoddess.com</span></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">There was a lot of rattling around
in the kitchen, then the family room, then the front hall closet, then
footsteps up the stairs and clattering in the linen closet and the master
bedroom.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">“Well, shoot!” or words to that
effect were heard from upstairs. Mom called for me to grab a stepladder and
check in the attic space. Nothing but an old shopping bag and a present for
someone’s birthday - she quickly
spirited that away to another mysterious realm.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">No candy canes.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Then, we got ‘The Look’. Everyone
one of us was pinned down with the dreaded ‘Mother’s Stare’, guaranteed to get
the truth and nothing but the truth from those being stared at. Better than a
lie detector, truth serums or brass knuckles. They ought to use that in
courtrooms, except that the judges and lawyers would then be out of work.
Hmmmm…</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Luckily, this time, we were all
innocent. Yep, even Dad, as far as I could tell. No sign of the candy canes and
no guilty looks from anyone in the house. We looked for those candy canes every
year until we moved out of the house, and even then I think Mom may have left a
note to the new owners to keep an eye out for them.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">That’s the trouble with buying things
early. This is why Men do all their shopping just before Christmas – and trust
me, we men discussed this at our annual meeting, it is our excuse and we are
sticking to it.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">There is virtually no way we can
lose the gifts between the trunk of the car and the living room. It is also why
the family usually gets lock de-icer and booster cables every Christmas – and
you really should have seen the looks of joy on my children’s faces when they
received their third consecutive pair of cables, it was a true Family Moment.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://wac.450f.edgecastcdn.net/80450F/knue.com/files/2011/11/Convience-Store1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="146" src="http://wac.450f.edgecastcdn.net/80450F/knue.com/files/2011/11/Convience-Store1.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="background-color: black; font-family: arial; line-height: 15px; text-align: start;"><span style="color: white;">knue.com</span></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"> </span></o:p><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; line-height: 150%;">There isn’t a lot of choice at the local gas
station on Christmas Eve – all the heated ice scrapers and hockey toques have already
been snapped up.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Enjoy the mysteries of the season,
and have fun starting a few of your own.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
Davehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02207873921712424328noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1037213021580265133.post-1755077627605505162012-12-02T20:27:00.000-07:002012-12-02T20:27:24.207-07:00Perceptions<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://abbyanna0.tripod.com/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderpictures/meerkats.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://abbyanna0.tripod.com/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderpictures/meerkats.jpg" width="262" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #228822; font-family: arial; line-height: 15px; text-align: start;">abbyanna0.tripod.com </span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I was perusing through the newsfeeds the other day and found
an article where scientists discovered that women see things differently than
men.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Well, duh.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Any male who has been in a relationship with a female (and
even those who haven't) have known about this since men have noticed women.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"></span></div>
<a name='more'></a><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">These scientists found that when pictures of couples were
shown, both men and women looked at the female in the picture first and for the
longest time. Men focused on the eyes the most (so there, ladies!) and women
looked lower on the face and body. The boffins surmise that men look at the
eyes to identify threats and the women look lower to prevent any threat
encounter.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">On this I disagree. Men look at the eyes to identify
threats, sure, but we also instinctively know that if we look lower, either the
man with the subject woman will become a threat, or the lady we're with at the
moment will become the threat. We're smart that way.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Women may seem to be avoiding threats by looking lower, but
they really are identifying <i>all</i> the
threats the lady in the picture is presenting. Does the makeup match the hair? Are
the earrings and necklaces appropriate to the outfit? Is she showing too much
cleavage or not enough? Trust me, these are the threat matrices women are
cataloguing. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The results that show that women don't look at the men in
the pictures as long as they do the women just reinforce my theory. They need
to make sure they have all the info on the women first. Then when they look at
the man in the photo, it will only take 0.32 nanoseconds to form an opinion of
him. Good or bad, it's that fast, isn't fellas?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">When my kids were born, it didn't seem to be that way at
all. We treated them the same and didn't segregate the toys when the twins were
playing. Equal access to toy trucks, stuffies, dolls and such. Everything my
boy grabbed somehow turned into a vehicle of some sort, complete with the
engine sounds and running it along the floor. Didn't matter if it was a stuffed
dog or a blue building block.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">My daughter would hug the dolls and stuffies all the time.
If you gave her anything else, she would take a look at it for less than a
second, throw it over her shoulder out of sight and demand another item to
peruse. Who knew it started so early.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.nhs.uk/accessibilityhelp/images/Changing-colours-in-Windows-XP-img-4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://www.nhs.uk/accessibilityhelp/images/Changing-colours-in-Windows-XP-img-4.jpg" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Those scientists had to know that women see things differently,
even if it's only about colours. Men see red, brown, black, yellow, blue,
purple and orange. That pretty much covers it for us.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Women see magenta, chartreuse, burnt umber or burnt asparagus
and a million more colours of the spectrum. They also see dust bunnies behind
or underneath sofas and can identify the brand of toothpaste from a fleck on
the mirror.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I'm not sure why those scientists thought they needed to run
an experiment to find all this out. They should have just asked their girlfriends
or wives, or for that matter, any women on the street outside the lab.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Then they would get the full effect of a "look"
and wouldn't have had to do the experiment in the first place.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Davehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02207873921712424328noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1037213021580265133.post-67943140861020395052012-11-24T21:31:00.000-07:002012-11-24T21:31:14.779-07:00Just taking a breakHi Folks -<br />
<br />
Time for a little hiatus. Nothing for this week but I should be back next week. Unless, of course, I win the Lotto this weekend. Then it might be the week after...Davehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02207873921712424328noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1037213021580265133.post-13817377227514171312012-11-17T18:01:00.001-07:002012-11-17T18:04:07.856-07:00Lunch<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">It's time to eat ice cream. Neapolitan, with a little chocolate sauce and maybe a few chocolate chips sprinkled here and there.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://darkmattermatters.files.wordpress.com/2011/10/intermission1.png?w=750" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="170" src="http://darkmattermatters.files.wordpress.com/2011/10/intermission1.png?w=750" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #228822; font-family: arial; line-height: 15px; text-align: start;">darkmattermatters.com</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Then maybe a hot dog and potato chips, with a soda pop or milkshake to wash it all down. Yes, I'm having dessert first, then lunch. You may not call hot dogs and chips lunch, but today, I do.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">And why am I indulging in this epicurean delight? Well, let me tell you...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<a name='more'></a><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I have been watching what I eat and trying to stay away from sugary snacks and unhealthy calories. It's nearing the time for a doctor's check up and all the blood tests and poking and prodding that it entails.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The process has been somewhat successful, mostly because I have been pretty busy during the work week. Not a lot of time for a regular lunch, so I've been grazing on little snacks as I work. Since my darling wife gets up a few minutes earlier than I do (maybe a half an hour)(maybe more), she's been making my food packets up for me.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">All this means I've had to tighten my belt a notch or two in the last month or so, which is a good thing overall. The fact that the sweet cravings have increased ten-fold during the same time period may indicate there's a connection somewhere. I'll have to look into it.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I've even given up my favourite beverage, Coca-Cola, for the last week and a half. I don't drink coffee or tea, so the only pick-me-up caffeine I get is from the soft drink. It still has less caffeine than the other drinks and a wee bit of sugar to boost things along. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://taitegallery.net/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/funny-graphs-food-pyramid.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="275" src="http://taitegallery.net/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/funny-graphs-food-pyramid.gif" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I can live with that but apparently, my doctor cannot. Last time I saw him, I got the abbreviated lecture about the evils of fast food and sugar, albeit the condensed version. He's given me the same lecture for the last ten or twelve years, so we both know the content pretty well. Kind of like seeing your favourite movie 67 times and singing along with the best parts.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Anyway, I thought I'd surprise him this time and make a concerted effort to reduce the junk food portion of the Food Guide and try out all the other parts. Way more fruits and vegetables, nuts and lighter proteins and lots of fiber. Who knew fiber could be such a good friend?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">And water. So much water, I should be taking out stocks for water
purifiers and getting a loan to pay for my water bills next month.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.muttropolis.com/content/images/dog-cat-fridge2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://www.muttropolis.com/content/images/dog-cat-fridge2.jpg" width="267" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #228822; font-family: arial; line-height: 15px; text-align: start;">muttropolis.com</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So for the last ten days, I've been eating healthier, reducing the intake and exercising more, despite my best efforts. I just went to the lab a couple of days ago and will see the doctor in another days or so. I'm hoping all this hard work has purged my bloodstream and lightened things up for the doctor. I hope he doesn't have a heart attack when he sees the results.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">But since I've done my due diligence and provided the required samples, I'm free! So now, it's time for lunch. See you at the freezer.</span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"></span>Davehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02207873921712424328noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1037213021580265133.post-23873734972351512562012-11-11T16:54:00.000-07:002012-11-11T16:54:28.343-07:00Alarming Clocks<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I'm pretty comfortable with clocks. Having spent the better
part of my career surrounded by several timepieces at once has made me immune
to any fear of clock-like items.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I can even take alarm clocks. They have a distinct purpose
and generally perform that purpose admirably. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.lolbrary.com/content/258/alarm-clocks-32258.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="173" src="http://www.lolbrary.com/content/258/alarm-clocks-32258.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">What I don't get is the snooze button.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">When the first alarm clocks came out - the ones you had to
wind up every morning or evening - there was a small arm on the top of the
clock that would hold back the clapper for the bells. The alarm was either
armed or not. You either woke to the clamouring of two cow bells in your ear or
to the sound of the school bus leaving. Both methods provided the same shot of
adrenaline.</span></div>
<a name='more'></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Then battery powered clock showed up and you never had to
wind up the clock again. Mostly a good thing, which saved you from the 'bus
leaving' shock. And they made the alarm not quite so, umm, alarming, which also
saved you years of life. It got even better when they merged radio with clocks.
Imagine! Never having to wake up to the clangour of bells again! Now you had
the choice to wake up to the sweet sounds of classical music, the current pop
song or heavy metal. Much easier on the heart.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">They should have stopped right there. I think they made a
huge mistake putting in the snooze button. It brought us right back to the
adrenaline rush times of yore.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">First, it was too easy to hit the darn thing. Most clocks I
see now have a huge snooze button on the top of the unit. There is no way in
the world that you can miss the thing as long as you hit the clock somewhere.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://farm1.static.flickr.com/151/356437249_713d26eaf6.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://farm1.static.flickr.com/151/356437249_713d26eaf6.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">http://london-underground.blogspot.ca/2010/01<br />/no-trousers-on-underground-2010.html </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">My first snooze button equipped clock had a ten minute
snooze default. This is the second problem. You could hit it as many times as
you want until the original alarm time was long passed. The next time you
opened your eyes, it would be two hours after you were supposed to get up. Then
you rush to get to work and find you have no pants on.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Thirdly, not content with keeping things simple, they
started changing the length of time you could snooze. First it was ten minutes.
Then nine. I even had a clock provide me with a seven minute snooze. None of
that helps. I could still push it a gazillion times and never really wake up.
And if I did wake up to the alarm, I expected to see "7:00", not
"7:07".</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">When you only have one eye partially open, "7:07"
does not look like anything resembling a real time, so I would promptly ignore
it.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">And an hour later, again the adrenaline flowed.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">There are signs of hope on the horizon. It may be too late
for me, but I still have sons who need a hand getting up on occasion.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">There's a clock that has wheels that move the clock around
the room when the alarm goes off and won't shut off until you catch it. There's
another that shoots a little helicopter type thingy in a random direction. The
alarm won't shut off until you find the rotor and plug it back into the clock.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Either would work for my boys. Their rooms are so messy,
there's no way they'd find the device in under an hour.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://bacontoday.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/08/wake-n-bacon-2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://bacontoday.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/08/wake-n-bacon-2.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #228822; font-family: arial; line-height: 15px; text-align: start;">bacontoday.com</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">But I think the most efficient clock ever made for teenagers
is the bacon clock. You put a piece of frozen bacon on a little rack and shut
the door. Ten minutes before your wake up time, the clock starts cooking the
bacon and instead of waking up to the sound of an annoying buzzer, the sweet
smell of bacon is surrounding you. Pull open the little door on the side of the
clock and a freshly cooked piece of heaven is there to help you start the day.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">We're
finally getting civilized…</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>Davehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02207873921712424328noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1037213021580265133.post-4978958858992151612012-11-03T19:14:00.000-06:002012-11-03T19:14:15.290-06:00Perfect Days<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn1/c38.0.403.403/p403x403/76222_10151098442208803_936179691_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="285" src="http://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn1/c38.0.403.403/p403x403/76222_10151098442208803_936179691_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Have you ever had one of those days? The ones where
everything just falls into place perfectly? When there's a parking spot right
at the front of the store, you find a twenty-dollar bill on the sidewalk or
that perfect 900 inch LCD TV with wi-fi and a beer fridge in the stand is on
sale for two hundred bucks?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Me neither.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I'm particularly reminded of a day I had learning to sail on
the West Coast. We were well into the week long course and our instructor
decided that we could choose our own destination for the day. Our choice? A cool fjord-like area called Teakerne Arm.
The best part was we could almost sail the boat right up to a waterfall -
dipping the bow in, if we wanted.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">We had been on the boat for four days; maybe it was time for
a shower…</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"></span></div>
<a name='more'></a><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">In any case, like every day before, each of us had a turn as
"Captain". With only four of us on the boat - my darling wife, who
was my darling girlfriend at the time, her brother, the instructor and me - we
all had a lot of time yelling "avast ye" and "trim the sheets"
and so on from our spot at the tiller.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">My future brother-in-law had the first turn and we made
pretty good time from our anchorage. It was going to be a couple of hours to
get to the mouth of Teakerne Arm and another hour or so to get to the
waterfall. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">After an hour, our instructor had us change places. My turn
to take command and be able to order the other two around without
recrimination! We were making good headway when I grabbed the tiller. Suddenly,
a great calm came over the area and we slowed gently, sails luffing as we lost
speed. We looked eastward to the shore, about a kilometer away and saw the
trees and shrubs waving at us in a brisk breeze. We looked westward and saw a
ripple on the water a few hundred meters away, kicking up little whitecaps on
the water.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://i.ebayimg.com/00/s/NzMxWDczNQ==/$T2eC16ZHJIQE9qUHuD6wBP8KE7o46!~~60_1.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="317" src="http://i.ebayimg.com/00/s/NzMxWDczNQ==/$T2eC16ZHJIQE9qUHuD6wBP8KE7o46!~~60_1.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://e.5thvillage.com/">e.5thvillage.com</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Right where we were, nothing. A big bubble of no-wind. And
no comments about how much I talk. Try as I might, even heaving the rudder back
and forth to try to gain speed, we were going pretty much nowhere fast. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">After about twenty minutes, our instructor said for us to
change places again. My darling came to the tiller and I moved up to a crew
position. No sooner than her hand touched the tiller, the wind sprang up,
snapped the sails full and off we shot, flying towards our destination. If I
hadn't already been sitting, I would have fallen flat on my butt.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">We flew towards to the Arm, winds freshening, sails trimmed
and going almost as fast as the boat could go. Even when her brother took over,
we continued to fly across the water.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">We had turned into the Arm when it was my turn again. We
still had a good breeze, even inside the fjord, so I was hopeful we could get
to the waterfall soon. It was almost lunch, after all.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">We could see the Falls in the distance, less than a
kilometer away. I grabbed the tiller, ready to get there and wash the boat and
everyone in it. And the wind promptly disappeared again. Gone. Not a breath. Not
a ripple. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">This couldn't be happening. Not this close. Totally not
fair. I believe I said that once or twice or seven times.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I blew into the sails. I tried us</span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">ing the rudder as a
propeller again. I offered to start the engine to get us there, but our
instructor nixed the idea, saying we were on a sailboat, not a powerboat. I
expect he thought I'd just break it or something.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3014/2703439593_ede27db25c.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="212" src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3014/2703439593_ede27db25c.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://flickrhivemind.net/">flickrhivemind.net</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Throwing my hands up in defeat, I switched places with my
darling again. I hadn't taken two steps away when we were almost at full speed
again, a gust of wind blowing sea spray down my collar.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Just one of those perfect days.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
Davehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02207873921712424328noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1037213021580265133.post-23184572650912483152012-10-27T14:05:00.000-06:002012-10-27T14:05:17.662-06:00Barbeque Renos<br />
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<a href="http://www.dreamstime.com/barbecue-grill-flame-bbq-thumb4897042.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://www.dreamstime.com/barbecue-grill-flame-bbq-thumb4897042.jpg" width="213" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Did you know that barbeques can be used for renovations?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I'm not talking about just cooking up burgers and hotdogs
after the work is done, either. I mean, you really can use your barbeque as a
tool to effect renovations for your property. Old-fashioned briquettes or
propane units, it doesn't matter.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Here's how. Years ago, a guy I know had a little charcoal
hibachi grill that he used all the time to cook up his meals. This guy could
grill a burger, a hotdog, steak and even lasagna on the thing. Spring, summer,
fall and winter - didn't matter, this guy would happily cook anything.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"></span></div>
<a name='more'></a><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So one evening he cooked a meal for himself, left the grill
out the back door to cool off and continued with his regular routine for the
evening. The next morning, he noticed the grill was getting full of ash, so he
emptied it out into the garbage can in the alley and went about his day.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Unfortunately, because the grill was so full of ash, the
coals from the night before were just banked and not cold.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">When he got back home later that day, he noticed that the
garbage can platform that was formerly attached to the fence was gone. As was a
good six feet of the wooden fence.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">And there was burn marks on the ground and the remaining
portion of the fence. Not a good sign.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNf-j7Jn-AMvJyYePJDx_NMeD4W_lEbXkiWgp5nC6zyluirOuyC90ojgeBu3B7uzjD8Mlsy2M9Gg6iZvl3UsMStZsTIVYK8F73zS9kb9Gers9fJxwLtMDnNOmtowwUaNxy9IWnRw_FrboU/s400/burned+fence.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNf-j7Jn-AMvJyYePJDx_NMeD4W_lEbXkiWgp5nC6zyluirOuyC90ojgeBu3B7uzjD8Mlsy2M9Gg6iZvl3UsMStZsTIVYK8F73zS9kb9Gers9fJxwLtMDnNOmtowwUaNxy9IWnRw_FrboU/s320/burned+fence.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #228822; font-family: arial; line-height: 15px; text-align: start;">pinyonpine.blogspot.com</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">A hundred dollars of materials later and a day spent
rebuilding the fence set things right for both him and his neighbours. Mostly.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Another renovation using barbeques happened when I was a
kid. Our across-the-street neighbour (we'll call him Joe) was having a dinner
party for the Bridge Club, which was basically all the adults on the street.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">He had just purchased one of these new-fangled propane
barbeques. No more briquettes for him! He would have instant cooking power and
no more blackened fingers from the charcoal.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So everyone had arrived and Joe had proudly shown off his
new grill. He was going to rotisserie a nice, juicy six-pound roast of beef for
everyone. As the folks were having a pre-dinner drink, Joe went out to get the
barbeque lit and start roasting.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">About a minute or so later, there was a loud BOOM from the
back porch and a thud. Seconds later, Joe walks into the house, without
eyebrows, and says, "Well, the grill's lit. Can someone give me a hand
with the lid?"</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Turns out that Joe opened the propane tank, turned on the
burner and went to light the barbeque with a match. He missed the part of the
instructions saying to keep the lid of the barbeque open. The first match went
out, the second went out as he was putting it into that tiny little hole at the
side of the unit and the third was successful. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://img.ehowcdn.com/article-new/ehow/images/a06/hr/sr/do-grilling-surface-gas-grill_-800x800.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://img.ehowcdn.com/article-new/ehow/images/a06/hr/sr/do-grilling-surface-gas-grill_-800x800.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Unfortunately, there was a considerable amount of propane in
the closed grill and as the match touched the hole, it did what propane does
and ignited forcefully. The resulting ignition blew the lid of the barbeque off
its hinges and up into the soffit and eavestrough by the back door. It also
gave Joe an eyebrow removal method that I wouldn't recommend to anyone.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">And that six pound beef roast? Well, propane barbeques cook
a little faster than the charcoal grills. After a few drinks, for medicinal
purposes of course, Joe checked on the roast. That beautiful piece of meat was
now about a pound and a half of carbon. Thank goodness for Chinese take-out.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Anyway, there you go. Two different methods to use your
barbeque to help along your renovations. Next time, I'll let you know how you
can use your washing machine to make concrete for your patio…</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
Davehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02207873921712424328noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1037213021580265133.post-1013318553423672312012-10-20T16:58:00.001-06:002012-10-20T16:58:51.073-06:00Synonyms and Shakespeare<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.blogcdn.com/www.engadget.com/media/2008/03/padded_post.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://www.blogcdn.com/www.engadget.com/media/2008/03/padded_post.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #228822; font-family: arial; line-height: 15px; text-align: start;">engadget.com</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">How many ways can you say "dumb"? Let's count…</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Dumb, dummy, goof, goofball, doofus, idjit (thank you,
Yosemite Sam), stove bolt, numbskull, dunderhead, idiot, bonehead, beanhead,
addled, twit and muttonhead (yes, muttonhead).</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Not a bad start. One word descriptions that if used by
anyone, would convey the meaning without a doubt.</span></div>
<a name='more'></a><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Why am I making a list of ways to describe "dumb"?
I don't know, it just seemed like good idea. Onward and upward - or downward,
as the case may be. How about some phrases?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Strong like bull, smart like ox; big shirt, small hat; dumb
as a stump; sharp as a donut; and one of my personal favourites, sharp as a hot
dog.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">As much as I like these words and phrases, I still think
modern English doesn't have the flavour and capability for description as say,
Shakespeare's time. We seem to have devolved when it comes to describing silly
actions. Most of the population uses only a few select words. A lot can't
really be described here, unless I want to lose my family rating. Tempting, though...</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So I thought I'd research some of the ways Shakespeare might
have said "dumb". After all, William could turn a phrase or two once
in awhile.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://static.themetapicture.com/media/funny-old-Shakespeare-painting.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://static.themetapicture.com/media/funny-old-Shakespeare-painting.jpg" width="236" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #228822; font-family: arial; line-height: 15px; text-align: start;">themetapicture.com</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">How about jolt-head or blind-worm, wagtail or pumpion? Or
pigeon-egg, mammet, malt-worm or lout? Then there's joithead, hugger-mugger,
hornbeast and hedge pig. Don't forget gudgeon and giglet, fustilarian and
foot-licker!</span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Some of the phrases are particularly elegant, in their own
way. It seems like there was an effort to make these phrases almost poetic as
well as they were pointed. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Take this one - "Thou artless, beef-witted
barnacle". Or "thou bootless, beetle-headed bugbear". Then
there's "thou goatish, crook-pated dewberry" and "thou
unmuzzled, hasty-witted bum-bailey". I have no idea what a bum-bailey is,
but it does roll off the tongue pretty well…</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Maybe it's putting the 'thou' in front of the phrase, or
maybe it's just Shakespeare, but they really knew how to let someone know they
were doing something dumb. Even the dumbest dumb person would get the message!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.lolroflmao.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/Face-palm-and-carry-on.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://www.lolroflmao.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/Face-palm-and-carry-on.jpg" width="220" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #228822; font-family: arial; line-height: 15px; text-align: start;">lolroflmao.com</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">You could even use these phrases on yourself. You know, when
you start to do something sketchy and then stop and tell yourself "this is
a dumb idea" and then go ahead anyway? Have a few of these phrases
memorized, just in case.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I'm not sure why I think this is a good topic. Maybe my kids
did something that bugged me, maybe something at work triggered it, maybe I
caught myself doing something questionable. All good possibilities. It doesn't
really matter, I’ll take inspiration anywhere and anytime.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">All I know is that this is what will be written this time.
Whether or not it's a good idea or a dumb one, only my darling wife knows for
sure. And with three males in the house, I'm sure she could come up with a few
more words and phrases to describe "dumb" if she wanted to. But
really, she can sum it all up in one precise term - </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">"Men".</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
Davehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02207873921712424328noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1037213021580265133.post-18193792108945335972012-10-13T17:47:00.000-06:002012-10-13T17:47:44.181-06:00How to Become a Firefighter<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://cache.gawkerassets.com/assets/images/7/2011/08/medium_shutterstock_59512681.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://cache.gawkerassets.com/assets/images/7/2011/08/medium_shutterstock_59512681.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="background-color: black; font-family: arial; line-height: 15px; text-align: start;"><span style="color: #f3f3f3;">gawker.com</span></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">One of the many careers listed on my resume is one of a
Firefighter. I became a firefighter quite by accident many moons ago when I
first started working full time. I was working and living in the mountains west
of Calgary and was very happy with my job and had no real desire to run into
burning buildings whatsoever.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">One of my friends had applied for and got the job as
Assistant Fire Chief at the local volunteer fire hall. It was a feather in his
cap, and he was rightfully proud of his accomplishment. They had just finished
a new fire hall for the area and he was really eager to show it off.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So I got a call from him one day, with an invitation to come
over and see the new digs on a Wednesday night. Not having a lot to do, I
agreed. That was my first mistake.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"></span></div>
<a name='more'></a><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I arrived at about 6:30 pm and knocked on the door of the
hall. A couple of seconds later, with the tumbling clatter of boots on stairs,
my buddy appeared at the door and let me in. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Just like the smell of a new car, there was a distinct new
Fire Hall smell throughout the building. Try to imagine a combo of fresh paint,
new tires, canvas, rope, rubber and an interesting aroma from the kitchen area
and you'll be on the right track. Or not. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So my friend took me on the Grande Tour. We visited the
offices, dorms, classroom, kitchen area and of course, the playground. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The playground was the main hall area that stored all the
trucks. They had a bush truck, a pumper, an ambulance, a command/crew truck, a
huge rack of hoses all neatly rolled, a compressor room, tool area, and a long
rack where all the bunker gear was hung up neatly.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.classic-town.net/wp-content/uploads/2009/11/7208-Fire-Station-Review1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="201" src="http://www.classic-town.net/wp-content/uploads/2009/11/7208-Fire-Station-Review1.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">www.classic-town.net/wp-content/uploads/2009/<br />11/7208-Fire-Station-Review1.jpg</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Since it was a fairly new department, there were more racks
that didn't have gear in them than did. Not noticing that was my second
mistake.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I got to sit in the main pumper truck, turn on the flashing
lights and poke around all the nifty little compartments that held many arcane
tools and specialized equipment. My buddy was following along and noting things
down on a clipboard, doing a truck inspection as I was playing. Just being efficient,
he said. Huh.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">As we got to the end of the truck and there were no other
neat places I could explore, my friend went over to the bunker gear rack and
said he wanted to show me a few things.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">He explained how firefighters set up their boots and pants for
a quick jump in and pull up and what the best way to get into the jacket and
helmet as you ran to the truck when the alarms were going off. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">He glanced at his watch and said "Oh, perfect, we're
right on time. Come over here for a sec."</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I followed him over to a long row of shelving holding bunker
gear. As he grabbed a jacket, some pants, a helmet and other assorted items
from the shelves, he started passing them to me. The pile grew larger and
larger until he finally got to the boots and asked me my size.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Like a fool, I answered him (my third and final mistake) and
he rummaged around to find the right size for me. Then he turned around with a
big grin and said, "Welcome to the department! This is your official fire
fighting gear. Your locker is the third from the left. Hang up your stuff and
head to the classroom, the training night is starting in five minutes."</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I tried sputtering out that I wasn't interested, but as I
opened my mouth, some socks or gloves or something jumped in and silenced my
protest. I was done for. Shanghaied. Dragooned. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">But he did promise I could turn on the siren later, so it
was all good.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://nerdapproved.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/08/fire-services-siren-air-freshener.jpg?cb5e28" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://nerdapproved.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/08/fire-services-siren-air-freshener.jpg?cb5e28" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">nerdapproved.com</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
Davehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02207873921712424328noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1037213021580265133.post-24192734348066219852012-10-06T10:12:00.000-06:002012-10-06T10:12:56.147-06:00Traveling to Heaven<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.eske-style.co.nz/images/Te%20Ti%20Bay%20Waitangi%20Scenic%20View%20Far%20North.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://www.eske-style.co.nz/images/Te%20Ti%20Bay%20Waitangi%20Scenic%20View%20Far%20North.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">A few years back, when I was in University, two of my
friends and I went to New Zealand and Australia for six months. Okay, maybe it
was more than a few years ago, but I know we went for a good reason. I know the
University thought it was a good reason as well because they said so in a
letter after my second semester.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Anyway, we had been in New Zealand for about four days and
had made our way up to the northern tip of the North Island, to a small place
call Paihia (pie-HEE-ah). It's located in the Bay of Islands, one of the most
spectacular places in the world. Being fresh off the boat - literally - we were
eager to see the sights, have some adventures and spend some money.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"></span></div>
<a name='more'></a><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So the first thing we did was find the local pub. It was
around the other corner of the Bay and not too busy when we arrived about 8:00
pm. Being poor students, we figured we'd hang out a bit and see what the locals
have to say about where to go and how to get there. Hopefully, they would be
polite about it.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I lost the toss and had to buy the first round of beer for
our table. Now, at the University, beer was about seven bucks a jug for the
cheapest draft you could buy. So I worked my way to the bartender and asked for
a jug and three glasses while pulling out a couple of NZ five dollar bills.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The bartender puts the jug in front of me with the glasses
and says, in a very New Zealand accent "That'll be one sevenny five."</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The room was well lit, the noise wasn't too bad but I still
didn't think I heard him correctly.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">"Pardon me?" I asked, leaning over the bar to make
sure I heard every word. Didn’t want anything lost in translation.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">"One dolla, sevenny-five cents."</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://cdn.trendhunterstatic.com/thumbs/new-zealand-beer-festival.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="241" src="http://cdn.trendhunterstatic.com/thumbs/new-zealand-beer-festival.jpeg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.trendhunter.com/trends/new-zealand-beer-festival">www.trendhunter.com/trends/new-zealand-beer-festival</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I blinked twice and said, "Two more, please"
before he could change his mind. With the three jugs in my hand, I walked back
to the table, put them down, handed my friends their glasses and said,
"These jugs are one dollar and seventy-five cents each. These are mine -
go get your own!"</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"></span><br /><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">We were the most popular new guys in the pub for the rest of
the night. By the end of the evening, all the tables had been pushed together
around us and we had about fifteen or twenty-six new friends forever. Or at
least til closing.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">At the time, for many people visiting New Zealand, it seemed
like a country about ten to fifteen years behind the rest of the world. Lots of
sheep, lots of countryside and a slower pace than most everywhere. The price of
beer alone just reinforced that!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">But I think New Zealanders are brilliant people. They've
looked at the rest of the world and solved problems the rest of us didn't even
know were problems! Here's the best example I can remember.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">You know that here in Canada we have big trucks with
stainless steel tankers that go around and collect the milk from dairies.
Gleaming silver, always clean and you just knew the contents were good for you.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Well, in New Zealand (or heaven, if you prefer), the same
kind of tankers are everywhere as well. The only difference is that in New
Zealand, the tankers are full of draft beer.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I'm not kidding. We saw one pull up behind the pub the next
day. The driver got out and hooked up a big hose to the side of the tanker and
then to a port on the side of the building. We walked up and asked him what was
going on and he explained everything.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Those Kiwis - absolute genius. I may just retire there…</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8290/7864968196_ccf1672a17.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8290/7864968196_ccf1672a17.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.anotherpintplease.com/2012/09/new-zealand-beer-invasion.html">www.anotherpintplease.com/2012/09/new-zealand-beer-invasion.html</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"></span><br /><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"></span></div>
Davehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02207873921712424328noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1037213021580265133.post-60047759717415154342012-09-29T11:41:00.000-06:002012-09-29T11:41:38.597-06:00A Daughter's Retort<a href="http://obstacol.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/Hulk-Im-your-father.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="292" src="http://obstacol.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/Hulk-Im-your-father.jpg" width="320" /></a><br />
<div class="MsoPlainText">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">It’s all about
maintaining the facade.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoPlainText">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoPlainText">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Your parents have
to believe that they are all knowing, all powerful, and that there is no
possible way that you can sneak anything past them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoPlainText">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoPlainText">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Ever.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoPlainText">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoPlainText">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">It’s the whole
masquerade that makes them believe that they’ve still got ‘it’, whatever ‘it’
may be.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoPlainText">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<a name='more'></a></div>
<div class="MsoPlainText">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">After careful
research and observation, my brothers and I have figured out what
"it" is. ‘It’ may be a variety of things, it really all depends on
your particular type of parent.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoPlainText">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoPlainText">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">For some of them,
it may be the fact that they still think they can out sprint you, no matter how
many times they’ve seen you win provincial track meets.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoPlainText">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoPlainText">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">For others, it
may be that they can outwit you in a battle of useless facts, and no, you
really didn’t need to know that a male walrus can weigh up to 4,400 pounds, but
thanks anyways. For my brothers and I, it’s been his mafia like connections.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoPlainText">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoPlainText">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">My entire life my
dad has been involved in one way or another with emergency services, as many of
you know. Be it the fire department in Peace River, or STARS in Calgary, he
seems to know absolutely everyone that gets to attach loud, flashy sirens to
the roofs of their cars.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoPlainText">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.stars.ca/upload/body_image/3/01/1988.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="226" src="http://www.stars.ca/upload/body_image/3/01/1988.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoPlainText">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">With this wealth
of human resources, as he calls it, he claims that he can locate any of us
within minutes, as long as we’re in Alberta. Sure Dad. What he hasn’t realised
is that though he may have Alberta covered, I have friends across Canada that
I’m pretty sure I could crash with when stuck in such a dire situation.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoPlainText">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoPlainText">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Good luck finding
me in Atikokan, Ontario, in less than ten minutes, Dad.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoPlainText">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoPlainText">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Another important
fact about maintaining this crucial mirage has everything to do with your
friends.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoPlainText">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">My father, as
much</span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"> as I love him, has the strange illusion that he is to my friends as Batman
is to the general populace of Gotham city.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Alrighty pops;
you keep your utility belt and cape.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRIzYt32lzoNXGL0PtwuygLCyiSOaYksf0dbOtl0R8H27S92xzygiQ2Zwjs" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRIzYt32lzoNXGL0PtwuygLCyiSOaYksf0dbOtl0R8H27S92xzygiQ2Zwjs" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Little does he
know we prep our friends before hand, training them in the art of parental
manipulation. This does involve a wee bit of time, ensure that they get the
“Yes, Mr. Couch” and “No, Mr. Couch” with the right mix of terror and awe.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">That they get the
flinch just right for when he ‘sneaks’ into the room during a movie marathon,
and that they keep the right level of fear apparent when he gets home from
work.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">But, being the
adaptable creatures teenagers are, this intensive training tends to take no
more than ten minutes, but is perfectly invaluable for the rest of our
friendship! It’s the perfect win-win situation: Dad believes he’s struck fear
into the souls of our friends, and we get away with tons more than he realizes.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">But shhh, don’t tell him!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Davehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02207873921712424328noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1037213021580265133.post-35505391228037688602012-09-21T11:59:00.001-06:002012-09-21T11:59:51.778-06:00Parental Point of VIew<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i>I am re-running this article for you, mostly because I think it may help a few fathers out there deal with their kids.</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i>Or not. Next week I'll publish my darling daughter's response to this article. </i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i>You tell me...</i></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.geekologie.com/2010/06/07/darth-vader.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://www.geekologie.com/2010/06/07/darth-vader.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.mobiusengine.co.uk/page/3/">http://www.mobiusengine.co.uk/page/3/</a>
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">It's all about maintaining the façade. Your kids have to believe that you are all knowing, all powerful and they won't get away with anything - ever. It is the mask you present to them that says "Nothing you do will surprise me".<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Even when it does.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">As a kid, I always thought that I was being sneaky and getting away with staying out late. Then I would get home and Mom would be there, supposedly just getting a drink of water or reading a good book.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a name='more'></a><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">I tried to take shortcuts when doing the yard chores for a while, until I realized that Dad would have no trouble watching me do the chore over and over again, while he enjoyed the sunshine on the deck with a cool drink in his hand.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">For all the times my folks caught me or made me do things right, I thank them from the bottom of my heart. It has given me a huge toolbox of skills I am using on my kids today.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://cdn.theatlantic.com/static/mt/assets/science/wifikids615.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="224" src="http://cdn.theatlantic.com/static/mt/assets/science/wifikids615.jpeg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2012/07/sorry-kids-want-todays-wifi-password-do-your-chores/260524/">http://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2012/07/<br />sorry-kids-want-todays-wifi-password-do-your-chores/260524/</a>
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">My work allows me to interact with various public safety agencies on a regular basis. I use this to my advantage. My kids know that I know Alberta like the back of my hand and I know that they know that. Even when I am blowing smoke, the kids will take my word that I can find them and their friends in under ten minutes wherever they are in western Canada.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">I work with people that are ex-detectives, ex-military, paramedics, nurses, doctors, pilots, engineers. To the kids, that means I can find them, I can extract them, I can bring them that close to dying and then bring them back, over and over again. I can fly out and get them, then keep them in one place.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Even when I can't.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">To their friends, I am an enigma. That is a good thing. For the first few years of cadets and school, hardly any of their friends knew what I looked like, much less how to take me. Yes, I had fun with this. I still do. It warms my heart to be able to walk into a room full of teenagers and have them stop talking and look my way with a tinge of fear in their eyes.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">It is all about being fair. Treat them with respect, don't give in to demands and don't carry a grudge. Sneak up on them and surprise them. Be everywhere and don’t let them forget that. Make them believe you are always around.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Even when you aren't<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTNK2DDu5Y-6ROc5QuLuDGxlrFF-m0WqbF3Hleo-kATLSUbXCvLW13Mfu_tzA" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTNK2DDu5Y-6ROc5QuLuDGxlrFF-m0WqbF3Hleo-kATLSUbXCvLW13Mfu_tzA" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://unrealitymag.com/index.php/2012/01/31/seven-amazing-drill-sergeants-in-movies/">http://unrealitymag.com/index.php/2012/01/31/<br />seven-amazing-drill-sergeants-in-movies/</a>
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">I have to say that I do have an advantage of sorts. The Air Cadet program has instilled a military-like response to a command voice. Works pretty well most of the time. My kids will know when I am playing around and when they will have to move for real. Their fiends, I mean friends, still haven't figured that out, so I leave it to my kids to bring them up to speed. Those two years coaching hockey and the years singing in a choral group trained my voice to carry very well. The vocal training taught me the advantage of intensity over volume and vice versa. Just goes to show you that a well-rounded education is a very valuable commodity.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">The ability to inspire and push your children to achieve, without looking like you are, is a skill to be mastered before they are out of their toddler years. Like the great martial art masters, who can knock down a mature tree with the flick of finger, you must make every thing look easy. Don't let the kids know that the master pre-cut the tree before dawn. They will spend days and months trying to knock down trees, just like him. I just wish the masters would concentrate on yard work and cleaning bedrooms, instead of forestry.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">As they get older, the kids will realize that the more things change, the more they remain the same. The older they get, the smarter their parents become. If we can give them a solid foundation of fun and mischief, they too can carry on those traditions of the family.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Even when we can't.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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Davehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02207873921712424328noreply@blogger.com0