Christmas Mysteries

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There are many mysteries in this world, especially at this time of year. The mystery of the Star of Bethlehem, how the wise men followed the signs, and what the heck is frankincense and myrrh, anyway? There is also the mystery of how men and women cope with shopping for Christmas.

I have known several women who delight in shopping for Christmas presents all year round. I can never figure out how they can be walking by a display and suddenly grab a widget off the shelf, proudly stating “this will be perfect for Cuddles for Christmas!”, even when it’s 27 degrees Celsius in the middle of an African village. I mean, where do they hide these items for the next six months?!?

Here’s a true story. My Mom is a saint, having put up with us kids and her husband. Don’t worry, he’ll be the first to admit it. It won’t change anything, but at least he admits it…

Ever the great shopper, Mom had found some beautiful foot-long candy canes, early in November (right after Halloween probably), and thought they’d be a great treat. Knowing that her husband was the biggest kid of all and able to sniff out any treats, Mom hid the canes in a special place. Probably down low, since Dad and us kids never, ever bent over to look for anything.

It was pretty successful. None of the kids found them and we’re pretty sure Dad didn’t either, which is saying something.

Come Christmas Day, we were all opening presents and enjoying ourselves when Mom jumped up with a start and yelled “The candy canes!” and dashed out of the room. The rest of us just kept on opening our gifts and talking – we are used to this type of behaviour. We caused it.

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There was a lot of rattling around in the kitchen, then the family room, then the front hall closet, then footsteps up the stairs and clattering in the linen closet and the master bedroom.

“Well, shoot!” or words to that effect were heard from upstairs. Mom called for me to grab a stepladder and check in the attic space. Nothing but an old shopping bag and a present for someone’s birthday -  she quickly spirited that away to another mysterious realm.

No candy canes.

Then, we got ‘The Look’. Everyone one of us was pinned down with the dreaded ‘Mother’s Stare’, guaranteed to get the truth and nothing but the truth from those being stared at. Better than a lie detector, truth serums or brass knuckles. They ought to use that in courtrooms, except that the judges and lawyers would then be out of work. Hmmmm…

Luckily, this time, we were all innocent. Yep, even Dad, as far as I could tell. No sign of the candy canes and no guilty looks from anyone in the house. We looked for those candy canes every year until we moved out of the house, and even then I think Mom may have left a note to the new owners to keep an eye out for them.

That’s the trouble with buying things early. This is why Men do all their shopping just before Christmas – and trust me, we men discussed this at our annual meeting, it is our excuse and we are sticking to it.

There is virtually no way we can lose the gifts between the trunk of the car and the living room. It is also why the family usually gets lock de-icer and booster cables every Christmas – and you really should have seen the looks of joy on my children’s faces when they received their third consecutive pair of cables, it was a true Family Moment.

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 There isn’t a lot of choice at the local gas station on Christmas Eve – all the heated ice scrapers and hockey toques have already been snapped up.

Enjoy the mysteries of the season, and have fun starting a few of your own.