Summer Vacations

Now that it's June, I see summer vacations with a parent's eye. This of course, is far different than a kid's viewpoint. Vacations for kids are seemingly endless days of summer, each day lasting approximately 3.2 years. Those days allow for bike rides, ball games, hours on the gaming consoles and double feature videos just about every night. Throw in the one or two camping trips and the whole summer vacation is complete (as long as there is an internet wi-fi site nearby).

Now it's all making sense. I remember seeing my folks looking a bit wild-eyed around the middle of June - I mean, more than usual. When I did think about it, I passed it off as one of those weird things parents do on occasion. Then I went back to my Chocolate Coated Sugar Bomb and Marshmallow Cereal for breakfast. I was happy.

Now I know.

The Good the Bad and the Dandelions

I must be a great neighbour. I’m not saying this out of egotism. I know better than that. I have enough friends and family that remember some of the things I’ve done in the past. I don’t remember some of the stories they attribute to me, so that alone ensures I stay humble.

No, the reason I think I’m a good neighbour is all about the dandelions. It seems that I have been the Dandelion Whisperer since I’ve moved into the area.

Here it is, the third day of the growing season and I already have a crop that could provide everyone in town all the dandelion salad they could eat and all the dandelion tea they could drink.

To Do or Not To Do...Will Have To Do

I have at least five projects ready to start for this summer. Well, maybe only three, but it depends on how you count them. I’d like the count to be zero but even I know that’s not going to happen.

The front patio project involves pulling up the paving stones from the side of the house and putting them down in the front of the house. I can’t get the grass to grow there anyway, so I might as well put the pavers there and save my feet from sharp, dead grass. The pavers will give the ants in the front yard another space for their condos. How environmental is that? Maybe it’s just mental…

Nothing much...

Seeing as I don't have anything to say at the moment, I think I'll write a column about nothing. Remember Seinfeld? His whole show was about nothing and see where it got him. One can only hope…

There is actually a lot to say about nothing. There is always a whole bunch of nothing that happens every day. Ask your kid when they come home from school "What did you learn today?"

Small Bathrooms

You know your bathroom is small when you go to tuck in your shirt and you end up tucking a towel into your shorts as well.

I’m really not complaining. Okay, maybe I am. My house was built in 1979 when bathrooms were big enough for a toilet, tub and sink and if you were lucky, a spot to hang a magazine holder.

Losing things...

Who has lost something important, like their wallet, keys or mind? Come on, I know you’re out there. Did you ever find them again? Here’s a story of hope for you…

Critical Thinking

I have two kids in University this year. Sorry, young adults. The twins are spreading their wings and expanding their minds in the hallowed halls of Higher Learning. It’s all about them learning to think and follow a problem through to the logical conclusion. Learning to use the resources around them to the best advantage.

It’s wonderful to see them branching out and focusing on their future. Although sometimes their future seems to be attending university parties, field trips off campus and the plethora of social clubs. We get more information on all the extracurricular activities than we do about their actual classes.

Demise of the Written Word

English is such a flexible language. This is a good thing but it’s also a bad thing. The good thing is English has the ability to take a word from another language, mash it up a bit and use it in new and unexpected ways. That’s one of the reasons it’s used throughout the world in aviation and scientific circles. Any native speaker can make up a new word at the drop of a hat.

For instance, as I watch one of my sons watching TV, the word ‘slouch’ comes to mind. He’s a teenager, so slouching comes naturally. He just has that teen ‘slouchy’ look about him. Call it a slouch-like quality.

"Smart" phones...

Can smartphones make you dumb? I’ve been thinking about that for the last few days. (Believe it or not, I do actually think once in a while. Then I give my head a shake and the feeling goes away).

This idea has been percolating for some years, ever since the advent of Personal Data Assistants, or PDA devices. This is not to be confused with the Hollywood type of PDA, which stands for Public Display of Affection. You can’t get arrested for having the first type of PDA, but you can for the second. Or at least become fodder for the paparazzi…

Cartoon Education

I am appalled. Not Apollo, appalled. One of the mainstays of our educational system has been trifled with and I am not happy. The teaching of Classical Music on Saturday morning cartoons has been thrown to the wayside!

I know! It’s a terrible thing! Where will our children get their love of music from? Where will they gain the understanding of musical nuance, timing and emotion? It certainly won’t be from some robot-driven, animated adaptation of a bestselling ‘graphic novel’!

What is a graphic novel anyway?

Laundry Day

Well, it must be laundry day. I can’t find any socks in the drawer – any of mine, anyway.

I actually learned quite a few years ago how to do my own laundry, when I was a bachelor. Really. I scrupulously read the instructions on the side of the detergent box, sorted my clothes accordingly and washed four shirts in one load, a pair of pants in another and the unmentionables in the third. I was on a tight clothing budget…

Computer Savvy

I’d like to think of myself as pretty technologically savvy for the most part. I’d also like to think I’m good at a lot of other things but then I try to balance the chequebook…

I’ve had the opportunity in past careers to be exposed to a lot of different computer systems and programs, so I’m pretty comfortable mucking about with my home unit. I learned a lot about how programs and hardware work together and in some cases, how you can break them. I think I’ve seen enough computer glitches to understand most and be able to fix said glitches. And that’s when it happened.

Spring Landscaping Lessons

With this never-ending beginning of Spring, I find myself contemplating my yard, mentally planning all the little improvements I want to do. I find if I plan things out in my mind, I never have to tell anyone. That way, if nothing gets done (again) there’s no paper trail. Anyway, getting back to the yard. As I was planning which trees to trim and bushes to cut back, I remembered a day when landscaping was the furthest thing from my mind.

I had just finished the year at University and was helping my friend, Murray, plan and execute a party at his place to celebrate. I was at Mur’s about two in the afternoon, setting up his parent’s home in a tropical theme. This came complete with a white sand beach in the basement and palm trees (or reasonable facsimile after a few drinks) in the kitchen. It was a tremendous success. It may be the subject of another story one day. If Murray’s parents have forgiven him yet.

Building Lessons

I think I’ve learned a lot throughout the years about building and handyman stuff. Mostly because I have old things that break often. But I try to learn from my mistakes, (like not reading the directions first) and by the mistakes made by others. Sometimes I learn even when I don’t want to…

I seem to remember a lot of home improvement was started in our house due to what looked like random occurrence.

Taste Buds

Something has changed and I’m a bit worried. It’s taken me a little while to figure it out, but I think I’ve put my fingers on it.

Things taste different.

I’m not sure when this actually happened, or honestly, if I should be concerned. So I decided that I’ll do a very unscientific historical comparative analysis to see if I should ignore this and carry on or call up the Center for Disease Control…

Working from Home

Working from home is a fantastic thing for the most part. There is a twelve second commute, it can be the ultimate ‘Casual Friday’ all week long and there seems to be a never ending supply of food in the fridge, at least until the kids come home.

Believe it or not, there is also a down side to working at home. Everyone knows where you are and how to get a hold of you. There is a perception that since you work from home, you’re not very busy. I have no idea where they get that idea. Most folks haven’t seen me work at an office (and some would say they have never seen me work – ever) and generally, they wouldn’t call me there unless it was pretty urgent or business related unless they knew I was on lunch or a break.

Plumbing Season

It’s plumbing season in the house these days. Not that I really need a plumbing season per se, it’s just that I finally got down to the plumbing jobs on my “To Do” list.

Usually I try to start plumbing jobs when it’s a bit warmer – say, July. There are a few good reasons for this. My tools from the garage aren’t so cold that they stick to my skin. I don’t have to get parka and boots on to get the tools from the garage. The family’s hair doesn’t freeze on the walk home from the local swimming pool, where they’ve had to go for their showers.

I learned a new song last night. Didn’t mean to, didn’t really want to, but this morning, I woke up and there it was. Stuck in my head and it wouldn’t go away. The worst part was I could only remember one line and part of the chorus and that stuff was running through my head on a continuous loop.

This has happened every day for the last few weeks. A different song every morning. It would be great if I were a DJ for a living, not so great since I’m a writer. I have to be able to hear the voices in my head, not have them drowned out by music.

Resolutions

So when I finished putting up the Christmas lights for this season, I had an epiphany of sorts.

I tried a different method this year, one I don’t think I’ve ever tried before. I put up the lights in the dark. Yep, started at 5:30 pm. The sun had been down for about an hour. I was smart enough to make sure the temperature was right around zero Celsius and not as cold as two years ago when I had the boys help me and it was about -20 C (but sunny). That was just a learning opportunity for them. I also learned that they had a bigger vocabulary than I thought, so it was a win-win all around.

Cats

I've been lucky to have a lot of pets in my life – predominantly dogs, but we did have a cat once for a few years as I was growing up. My family seemed to get the goofballs of the animal world. I’m not saying that it was because my family was a bunch of goofballs either, because that would get me pummelled at our next get together. Those of you that know me and my family, hold your tongues.

The cat was an all-black Burmese with a crooked tail, about five pounds and more like a dog than any other cat I have ever met. We called her Bree and she would wait for us to get home from school at the back door and “Me-yah” us as we came in. Not ‘meow’ but ‘me-yah’. Don’t ask. Couldn’t tell you. I don’t speak cat.