Training Kids - Part Three

As you may have noticed, I have been going on a bit about training my kids. The first few years were pretty successful, albeit unintentional in a lot of ways. Which is okay - often the most amazing discoveries are, well, discovered this way.

I have noticed over the last few years that my kids are becoming more and more resistant to the regular training methods.

There are a lot of "Okay, I'll be right there" or "Yeah, will do" but no real work is getting done. Even my unintentional training methods have hit a brick wall. Having a Zen-like attitude towards the kids and their chores is great, until you step in dog poop outside or run out of underwear and socks because they haven't kept up with the laundry.

The good news is the yelling and tantrums have finally gone away. It took a while, but I figured out that even when the kids were looking at me, the MP3 earbuds were in their ears and they couldn't hear me anyway. Which is really too bad, they missed some great material they can use when they have kids…

So I have had to do some research and think of a plan to get the teenagers of the house back on track regarding chores, homework and general life skills. I can't take away their allowance, seeing as the kids probably bring home more money than I do from their part-time jobs. Two of the three have their driving licences or are about to get them, so there is some pull I can use regarding the use of the van. I think that will have to be held in reserve until all of them have a licence, then I can pit them against each other and have a competition. Whoever gets the most work done gets the car. That's a keeper, for sure!

No, I have to have something that will work long term. Think, think, think. There has to be something that they will avoid at all costs, something where they will do anything, even their chores, anything to avoid seeing or hearing what I have in store for them.

One idea that comes to mind is to drive the kids to school in my pyjamas and make sure their friends see me hug them and give them their lunch bags. The only problem with this is I don't have any pyjamas - haven't had any since I was 12 years old. Hmm, nope, can't see that one working out well for anyone. It's even giving me bad visuals.

Oh my. I think I have it. Yes, this is the one.

What is so heinous to a teenager, so awful, that they will do every chore and fulfill every request you ask of them? What is something they avoid at all costs? My heavens, it's so simple - threaten to make out with your spouse in front of them. A little hugging and kissing between parental units for teenagers is like throwing a cat in a bucket of water. Toss in a few lovey-dovey words and saccharin phrases and any teen worth their salt will run screaming from the room.

The best thing about this method is it's simplicity. Personally, I will take any opportunity to give my lovely wife a kiss and a hug, so this is a bonus for me. Double bonus when I see the looks on the kids' faces at the same time!

Even better, you can ramp up this method at any time. Just let your kids know that you will begin the make out session whenever they have friends over. Imagine the horror! They will never live it down at school!! Their social life will be over for the rest of their high school career. My goodness, it's making me giddy just thinking about it.  I have to go tell my sweetheart.

And you know, I think I'll keep the driving to school in pyjamas as an emergency backup. I'll try to warn everyone before I activate it - I promise it will be a last resort.