Last time I spoke of how I trained my kids to burp on command without even knowing I did it. Kind of a Zen approach to parenting. My mom-in-law believed I did everything that way, but that's another story. Be that as it may, there are a few other training programs that have been very effective with the kids.
The best unintentional training was done one sunny morning on a day off.
I was a member of the local volunteer Fire Department and carried a pager around so I could respond as needed. The twins were about four years old, our third kid about 18 months and the dog was about four months old. The sun was shining in the living room window, the youngest sitting on a blanket with a bunch of toys and the twins were playing all around him. The dog was being a puppy, chasing everyone and everything.
Suddenly the pager goes off, a long, piercing tone. I dash out of the kitchen, promptly tripping over the dog and stumbling forward towards the youngest. My darling wife, seeing the mayhem about to unfold, grabs the youngest out of the path of destruction. My foot hits the spot he was sitting in half a second ago and from that point I am initiating a pirouette worthy of Baryshnikov. My other boy is frantically trying to figure out where my other foot is going to land, my daughter is heading in the opposite direction of the dog who is yelping in preparation of being stepped on again. I bellow "Freeze" to everyone as soon as I have two good feet back on the toys, um, floor. Don't worry, other than a squished stuffie, no kids or animals were harmed in the production.
Fast forward to a few days later. Once again, the pager sounds and I dash downstairs to get out the front door. As I get to the living room, I see the twins sprint from the middle of the room and plaster themselves against one wall. They looked like two prisoners trapped by the spotlight in those old 1950's movies. The dog, meantime, had made a beeline for his kennel and was trying to make himself part of the back wall of the crate. My youngest was happily playing with his toys in the middle of the room and my wife had stopped at the doorway of the kitchen and watched the whole show develop, a look of amazement in her eyes. I stopped at the bottom of the stairs, taking it all in, a feeling of utter contentment suffusing my being. Then my wife reminded me about the tones going off from the pager I held in my hand and I was out the door.
I giggled all the way to the Fire Hall. Once again, I had successfully trained my kids to do exactly what needed to be done. Once again, it was totally by accident. Once again, I didn't care. It just proved that children can be trained and trained well. Pavlov would be proud - I only had to ring the bell (or pager, I guess) once to get the results he spent so much time on.
My next thought was about the dog. We had him pretty well house trained. Maybe we could use the same techniques on the kids! They were still young enough. When I got home, I mentioned this to my wife and outlined the whole plan. Think of the savings in diapers alone! She was slightly less than impressed. Maybe more than slightly. Not to worry, I was sure something would come up spontaneously.
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