We wish as parents that our kids will always respect us, listen to our hard won advice, do their chores quickly and on time. It all comes down to the training you give your children, passing on all your accumulated knowledge in a thoughtful, straightforward manner. Plans are made for baby prior to it's arrival, his/her development all charted out, starting from the first day baby arrives at home.
Most of us had no idea what to do with the squirming little munchkin when we got home from the hospital. We flew by the seat of our pants, handling things on the fly and trying to keep up with the changes in our home life (i.e. lack of sleep). Get advice from our parents and grandparents? Sure, if you could remember your name from day to day, you might even remember to ask them what the heck was coming next. If they were honest with you, they would tell you "Hang on, you stay just as busy, but in a different way". If they were sympathetic, they wouldn't laugh outright at your questions. That little jig they do when your back is turned will be the same dance you do when your kids have kids. Yes, that topic will be yet another column. Future column. Waaay in the future…
I started training my kids actively when they were just newborns, by accident. With twins, there was no chance of me getting away without helping with the feeding, changing, holding, etc. My darling wife would finish feeding one, then I would burp and change the first while she was working on the second. By the time I would put the first to sleep, the second would be ready and my wife would head to bed while I chanted softly into their ears, "Burp for me, burp for me, burp for me, kiddo". Life in the fast lane at four in the morning, let me tell you.
About a year later, I was feeding the kids breakfast, one at each end of the table in their highchairs, me shuttling back and forth with the curvy spoons full of porridge. Somewhere in the conversation with my wife, one of us said "burp". Probably me. After all, it's a guy thing. Anyway, as I was trying to feed my daughter, she looked at me and said, "Aaacck". Blinking twice, I tried to feed her again when my wife said "What's with your son" (He's always my son when he's doing something questionable)(Which is appropriate, truth be told). I looked over at the boy and he was straining to get something out of his month,. He paused and tried again, mouth wide open and pushing air out. All of a sudden they stopped and motioned for more porridge. My wife and I looked at each other with fear in our eyes, suddenly realizing we had two alien creatures in our midst. Do we call 911 or the local exorcist? They don't cover stuff like this in pre-natal class.
Just before the panic of the unknown set in, it came to me in a flash. I said, "Burp for me, kids" and again my daughter lets out a hearty "Aaack" and my son tries his best to let a ripper go. Unbelievable, and more to the point, more fun than a barrel of monkeys! Everywhere I went with the kids, I had to show off what their talents like every good father does. I got a free round of beer from the Fire Chief but a dirty look from his wife. The butcher had a great laugh and complemented me on how talented the kids were becoming. I got the cold shoulder and rolled eyes from the cashier lady, but it didn't matter.
I now knew that I was going to be alright - children were trainable, and I had trained mine without even knowing. If that isn't perfection, nothing is.
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