You know, as a kid, I always wanted to be a spy or special
agent, with all the cool gadgets, hidden headquarters and secret passwords.
Especially secret passwords.
Now that I'm all grown up - at least physically - I still
want the cool gadgets and a hidden HQ (where I can sit in peace and quiet once
in a while).
Passwords, though? Not so much…
One company forced special password requirements on all of
us. We needed a password to log into the system, then another to log into our
workstation, another to open the program and the last to get into our company
email so we could see what we needed to do that day.
The problem was, if you didn't put in your passwords fast enough,
the system would time out and you'd have to start all over again. It was awful
if you had to go to the bathroom - there was no way to get down the hall, do
your business and get back in time to keep the system alive. We spent most of
our day re-logging into the system as opposed to getting any actual work done.
At another workplace, it was drilled into me by the IT
folks: never, EVER, use the same password for multiple
sites/computers/banks/beer fridges or to get into your locker. Never write your
password down in a place where someone might be able to get at it. Change your
password at least every forty-five days, preferably every thirty days. There
were the rules we had to live by.
I laughed it off at first. I figured, why would anyone want
my password? I never have any money in the bank, my work wasn't proprietary and
I didn't have any deep, dark secrets to hide. I think.
So he set about to convince me. If someone managed to get my
password, say, my computer login at work, they could conceivably change my
filing system, move documents, place a virus onto my hard drive, change my
background picture to a fuzzy cat or send a scathing email to my boss.
Then the heavens would rend open and all manner of bad
things would happen. The worst of which would be not being able to change the
picture on my background and having to stare at that damn cat all the time.
That scared the bejeezus out of me so, needless to say, I
took his advice to heart.
Anyway, I still remember that speech and all the terrible
things that could happen to me and all my precious information, so I diligently
make up different passwords, PIN's and log-ins for everything I have access to,
anywhere.
The problem I have now is I can't remember all the passwords
without a little help. I have so many, I can fill up three pages of foolscap
but if I do that, it means I have to put the papers in a safe place.
If I put the papers in a safe place, I may (read: will) never find them again and be
locked out of every website and debit machine forever. Or at least until I get
to the bank and change my PIN for the forty-seventh time.
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I can't put them on my computer, cause then when someone
does break past my firewalls and hacks my system (probably by looking over my
shoulder), I'll be done for. I could put them on my phone with a special app
that will secure the information with a 1028-bit, state-of-the-art, military
grade, booby-trapped encryption/decryption algorithm with public/private keys
and a quantum cypher.
That way I'll know my data is safe. Even from me. Odds are
I'll forget the password to the passwords.
See you at the bank…
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