Darth, Dads and Daughters

When I was a kid and watching Stars Wars for the first time, Darth Vader was the epitome of the Evil Bad Guy. Even after the twenty-seventh viewing, my opinion was unchanged – Darth was a bad dude and deserved everything he got.

Then came the second movie of the series and the bombshell near the end of the film that Darth was actually Luke’s real father! The explosive gasp in the theater almost blew the exit doors off their hinges. Gasp, not gas, despite the theater being filled to capacity with 15- to 18-year-olds. The last shocker was finding out the Leia and Luke were twins, making Darth Vader the father of twins. I don't know how I made it through the next two years until the third film.

Today I find myself in a similar situation. No, no, I didn't find a long lost sibling or that my dad was an evil ruler of a galaxy far, far away, although it seemed like it when I had to cut the grass or shovel the walk. I am the father of twins – boy and a girl – and find myself commiserating with Darth on many things.

When my daughter started dating (way before she was thirty-five, like I wanted), I found myself in a curious position. At times I was more worried for the boys she was going out with than her. She can be a bit of a force of nature. I don’t know why I was surprised, considering she is my darling wife’s daughter…

In any case, I still felt the need to assert my fatherly prerogative and check out all the potential suitors and judge them all inadequate before finally meeting them. One of the few perks of being a Dad that I try to exercise as often as possible.

I do all the usual things. Don’t smile when I meet them for the first time. Polish a huge gun barrel when they come to pick her up (I don’t have a full gun, just the barrel. It works most of the time). Check out their social media profiles, follow them on dates, hire private detectives, use drones for surveillance, the normal things dads with daughter do to make sure things go well.

And this is where I can sympathize with Darth Vader, especially the part when he's on the Cloud City.

www.dudemeetsdad.com

Darth Vader is waiting patiently in a dining room, when the door opens up and there stands a beautiful princess hand-in-hand with a half-witted, scruffy-looking, Nerf herding smuggler who promptly tries to shoot Vader with his laser pistol. Imagine!

Of course Vader's fatherly instincts kick in right away. He promptly grabs the laser pistol out of the boyfriend`s hand (using the fatherly Force), has them both hustled inside the dining room and sat down for a good ol' fashioned heart-to-heart talk.

As a father myself, I think I'd do the same thing Darth does. He immediately sends both of them to their rooms for a time out. It's too bad their rooms have to be on the prison level, but it was a long weekend and all the other rooms were taken. The fact that Vader appears to torture the boyfriend may make a few people squirm, especially when the boyfriend says “He didn't even ask me any questions!”

Potential boyfriends take note. Of course he didn't ask questions! You tried to shoot him on sight! You didn't ask his permission to date his daughter! He doesn't have to ask you anything!

The next thing Darth Vader does is put the boyfriend in Carbonite. Basically freezes him in a block of alloy and puts him on a wall as a decorative piece of artwork. Still alive, but unable to date much. I thought it a very reasonable thing to do, all things considered. I'd do the same thing. And it sends a very clear message to any other would-be suitors.

So have a little sympathy for Vader next time you watch the movie. There’s a little bit of him in every father.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go back to the Death Star, umm, garage to get a few things ready for my daughter's next visit.