Percussive Maintenance

Everyone knows that I have older, more mature vehicles. I’d like to say that I prefer older vehicles because they’re easier to fix. The fact that there are more of them on the road certainly doesn’t hurt. More spare parts, for one. You don’t have to worry where you park it, either. A great thing about older cars and vans is that for many minor repairs, there is a maintenance procedure that everyone, I mean everyone, can use. I’ve heard many names for this procedure while it’s being performed (most of them not fit to print) and the one I prefer is ‘percussive maintenance’.

I know that everyone has resorted to this method, albeit unknowingly at times. I have to say that it doesn’t work all the time, but it sure does release a lot of frustration, doesn’t it? You’ve never seen an unhappy body repair man, have you? I thought not.

The reason this topic popped into my mind was because we had a seatbelt in the van that wouldn’t retract. Just stopped, fully extended. It made the seat unusable, unless we put three kids on each other’s laps and snapped them in that way. I was all for putting the mouthiest on the bottom, but my darling wife managed to convince me that we would still get a ticket if we were stopped. I argued back that I would let the officer listen to the kids for five minutes and he would end up giving me a lights and siren escort, just so we could finish the drive that much faster. I almost had her on that one.

Anyway, I was passing by my mechanic’s shop one morning and stopped in to get a quote for a replacement. He also had a van like mine – a kindred spirit. I told him the problem and was bracing myself for the final tally – and became more perplexed that I usually am. The mechanic went over to the offending seatbelt and yanked it down three or four times, really hard. Bingo, the belt slipped back up, right as rain. Did I mention that he’s my favourite?

Ever since that day, I’ve been remembering all the percussive maintenance I’ve done in the past. Stuck hood on the Honda? No worries, just a firm smack right above the latch and up it pops. Stuck hatch on the van? Turn the key and hit lightly on the left side of the lock and it will spring open just like new.

I have even repaired headlights that way. It only works on the old sealed beam lights – if it goes out, hit the middle of the lens with the side of your fist a few times and the broken element will flick back into place and the world will be illuminated once again. Just don’t hit the lens too hard – especially if it isn’t your car. You’ll only make that mistake once.

Car isn’t starting? Just a clicking noise from the engine? It sounds like your starter motor has a dead spot on the coil. You will need a tool of some sort for this one. Find your starter motor and whack it a couple of times with a hammer, handle of a screwdriver or your buddy’s toe. The magnets will move off the burnt area and your car should start right away. Once your buddy stops hopping around holding his foot, you can hit the road again.

The foot thing works. I had a friend demonstrate it for me by accident. The car wouldn’t start, the ski hill was beckoning and frustration was mounting. Not knowing a thing about engines at that point, she went to kick the bumper and her foot went under the front and hit the starter. Darn if the car didn’t start after that – true story, just ask her.

You can’t do this method on the newer cars. Too many little computers everywhere that would just break and you’d still be stuck. Probably with a bigger bill to fix it. That’ll only increase the frustration. Nope, I think I’ll stick to the older vehicles – much more relaxing...