I’ll admit to everyone that I am not a morning person, not anymore. I was once, ask anyone. I could get up at any hour after midnight and be ready to go forth and do what needed to be done. I may not have been happy about it, but it could be done.
When my darling wife first met me, she was astonished by this talent. Once she called my name, barely above a whisper from the bedroom door and I was instantly awake and conversing with her. In English, no less, with all the words in the right order.
I admit that whenever my wife would (and does) whisper to me, I try to be very awake and attentive. Don’t want to miss anything important, like the first cookies out of the oven or when the bathroom is free…
Lord knows that as a teenager, I was pretty typical. If I was upright before noon, people were looking for other signs of the Apocalypse. I suppose having to work while attending high school and University may have had a hand in developing the ‘instant’ awake ability. Maybe it was just teenager/early twenties hormones and stamina. I wouldn’t be surprised if some scientist somewhere is trying to discover the process, so we can access it when we’re older. Sign me up to be a test subject!
Then came the kids. I know I have laid off bugging them for a few columns but I really have to get back to basics. Besides, it’s fun!
Anyway, combine small children, shift work, volunteer fire departments and puppies and you can begin to see where the chaos became chaos-ier. For those that know me, no comments. I have stories of you as well and I’m not afraid to use them…
I really did help my wife with the babies – she would feed one and I would do the burping and changing. It worked out really well for the first few months, until I began burping the teddy bears and trying to diaper the dog. Ever so slowly (about a day), my wife stopped waking me up and took care of the babies herself. Yes, ladies, I still feel a bit bad about that, but would you like to see your pets on the street in diapers? I think not. No, your husband is not nodding in agreement with me, he is agreeing with you totally.
For example, in Peace River I was on the Fire Department as well as working full time at the airport. I had just returned from a night shift, off work at 7:00 am and was nicely snuggled into bed by 8:00 am. After a seemingly 20 or 30 seconds of refreshing sleep, the fire pager went off, launching me out of bed and into my clothes (sort of). I hadn’t got a good grip on my t-shirt yet as I staggered down the stairs.
My darling wife was having a few of the neighbourhood ladies over for a visit as I tumbled down from the second floor. The ladies hadn’t seen me do the Superman-like quick change before and seemed curious about my method. Apparently, ricocheting off walls while pulling on a shirt was new to them.
In any case, my wife had my shoes ready and the car keys held out for me. One of the ladies laughed as she said, “Do you know where you’re going?” “Nope,” I replied, “ but the van does.” They all got a good laugh as I took aim for the front door and the van on the street. I’m still not sure if they were happy about having a skilled firefighter living on the street or laughing because my shorts were on inside out.
So remember ladies, that despite your man’s slow awakenings, he still is good for lifting heavy things, killing spiders and diapering the pets when needed. Just make sure you do the driving.
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