Low Flying Station Wagons

My sleep deprivation started just before the twins were born - literally two days before. We were living in Dawson City, Yukon, and my wife and I were eight months pregnant. All fathers know, if their wife is pregnant, then both of them are pregnant. So for all you new dads-to-be, get used to it.

Anyway, I had a few really short nights due to a couple of minor emergencies at work. Sleep was the only thing on my mind. We had a water bed at the time and my wife frequently had to get up during the night. Not that I complained (complaining about lack of sleep to a pregnant woman is pretty much a death sentence). Knowing that she would get a boost by pushing down on the mattress envelope, she routinely rocked herself out of bed. This time, being so close to the due date, the side effects were spectacular.

Because she was carrying twins, my wife had to give a few more pushes to get the required wave height to help her out of bed. I was feeling pretty good, dreaming of tropical bays on a sailboat, waves gently lulling me to sleep. Unfortunately, the last push my darling gave moved rapidly back to my side of the bed. The resulting tidal wave shot me out from under the covers and onto the floor. All my dreams of sipping margaritas turned to dust - actually, to carpet.

The morning after the second really short night, the twins decided to leave the womb early. The closest hospital was in Whitehorse, five and a half hours south by road. It was going to be a breeze for my wife – she was flying down in a medevac plane – but I had to pack the car for a two week stay.

While the plane was on it’s way to pick up my wife, she was told to stay at the nursing station and not move, seeing how the town didn’t have facilities for newborn twins. I was told to get packing and meet her at Whitehorse General Hospital or else. Before the babies were born, no ifs, ands or buts.

We had a small Subaru station wagon. We had a list of items for Whitehorse. We had very little sleep over the last 48 hours. The packing was less than efficient.

Don’t tell anyone that the drive only took four hours and fifteen minutes. I’m not sure what the statute of limitations is for flying a small car down a highway. I had my seatbelt on as tight as I could get it and the dog was leashed in the back. After hitting one dip in the road, I felt myself lifting off my seat, despite the belt. My pup in the back had just found a comfortable spot to lie down when we hit the dip. As I looked in the mirror, I saw my dog in midair, curled up like she was in front of the fire. I have never seen a dog’s eyes go so wide. Her legs shot down like a fighter jet’s landing gear and she was suddenly standing up. The look on her face was downright disapproving. Just through her body language, she said if I did that again, she’d chew through the leash and take over driving. She eventually forgave me, but it took a lot of biscuits and a sizable portion of a steak.

I got to Whitehorse Hospital about two hours before the kids arrived. The deliveries went as deliveries do and I will not go into any detail about that. There are some things that need to be a surprise for new fathers. Besides, I was sworn to secrecy and let me tell you, men will keep every promise they make while in that room. We all know that women have tremendous memories concerning what men say– especially in the delivery room.  All of it will be remembered verbatim. Take heed.

Besides, you’ll get some sleep eventually… once the kids leave for college.