There's a saying out there - "If you feed them, they will grow". Okay, maybe it's "if you build it they will come" but the sentiment is the same. Put food into the mouths of babes and they will grow. Overnight. Right out of their diapers in the middle of the night. Actually, that's another story for another time.
If you have kids you will understand. Actually, even if you don't have kids, you'll probably understand. Everyone has seen a neighbour's toddler or a co-worker's baby sprout like a bamboo plant. You see them one week and the pants are too long or they are swimming in a sweater. Next week, the long pants are now shorts and the sweater is up to the elbows and the buttons won't do up.
Feeding at first is kinda fun. The whole cereal bowl on the head photos and spaghetti wigs at dinner are hilarious the first couple of times. Then it's worth a smile. Then it gets downright embarrassing when the restaurant manager asks you not to come back until the kids leave for University. Not to mention the dry cleaning bills when the little one launches a spoonful of hot fudge sundae into the business types on their power lunch.
Another hazard is the whole non-varied diet routine. If the kid gets mashed peas for dinner, you get mashed peas. There is always another serving of puréed carrots to finish up and heaven help you if you add seasoning of any sort. One speck of pepper on the plate and you know it will go flying off the high chair!
Spices should be introduced slowly to children, starting with the mildest forms. The only exception to this is for pickles. The look on the child’s face when they bite into their first dill pickle is priceless. Have a camera ready to go. Video is best, it makes for great blackmail material when the kid is ready to date.
The parents’ taste and capacity for spices gets damped right down to the same level as the children. I am warning you of this now, so when you do get a chance to go out for an adult meal, go easy on the heat. Anything hotter than a green pepper may damage your tongue. And please, please, PLEASE do not reach over and cut up the food on someone else’s plate…
This single-mindedness towards food continues into the pre-teen and teen age years. During school, lunches will consist of bologna sandwiches, chocolate chip cookies and a small milk. Any deviation from this menu during September to November may cause an intra-scholastic incident. There are certain items that can be traded for and if you, as a parent, mess with the fine balance of trade in the elementary system, the repercussions can be intense. Make double sure that no mustard gets near the bologna.
As a parent, you want your children to enjoy a wide variety of tastes and experiences. This is considered a good thing by most in our society. If most in our society would help me pay for groceries, I would agree with them. As you are feeding different foods to Junior, remember this: if they enjoy the steak the first time you force it on them, they will expect it every day, all the time (see above paragraph). Now it’s time to prepare the evening meal, so I’ll sign off. We’re going to surprise the kids tonight. Mac and Cheese but we’re adding ketchup AND hot dogs. I’ll let you know how it works out.
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