Men and Women Explained

Today we talk about the differences between Man and Woman. It's the start of a new year and we should try to set some ground rules and expectations. Besides, my kids want me to lay off them for a while.

Men are fascinated by big explosions, shiny things and bodily functions that involve any kind of gas. We (men) are content to accept things the way they are and do not have to dig for a deeper truth in everything we see. 

Women seem to need to dig down, get every detail, significant or not. Men already have all the info they need to make a decision. There is a simplicity to our methods that works very well. We get enough data to make a decision and go with it. We don't have to obsess over a lot of detail.

Here's a perfect example. Just after my darling wife and I got married, we were transferred up to Dawson City, Yukon. We had a stopover in Edmonton for a few days, so I called some friends, Mike and Nadine, to see if we could stay at their place til we left for the Great White North. No problem, he says, when do you come up? End of July, I say, for about three days. No problem, I'll pick you up at the airport, he says. We hang up and all is good. This is in June.

Now it's the end of July. As we arrive in Edmonton, my wife and I are just coming out of the arrival gate when Nadine comes into the terminal, looking flushed and frantic. The look of relief on her face as she saw us was immense.

“I can’t believe it. Mike just let me know that you were coming in today” Nadine said breathlessly. “He wasn't sure what flight you were on but said if I left right away, I could meet just about every flight until you arrived”.

Not once did she look at me –everything was directed to my darling wife. Possibly because I said “Not to worry! It’s perfect timing, we just got off the plane!”

Next thing you know, two women are facing me, staring with that stare that means I am in trouble. It's the same stare that Bengal tigers use when they are stalking their prey. It's the same stare that your Mom used when she figured out that you ate the cookies just before dinner, not your brother. Time to get the luggage…

Anyway, it turns out that Mike called his wife about 40 minutes prior, saying that we were on our way and could she please pick us up. When the lady asked about the flight number, airline or time of arrival, my friend hemmed and hawed and said, "Don't worry, dear, if you head up now, they are probably already there". Not the best choice of words, I have to admit. I'll let your imagination fill in the rest of the ride back to the house and the ensuing dinner conversation. And no, I did not get a word in edgewise or otherwise. I am a man, but even I have learned when to keep my mouth shut at times.

So here's what I'm getting at. Mike and I knew exactly what was required to complete the task at hand. We needed a lift and a place to stay for a couple of days. Mike and I made plans a month ahead (an eternity for guys) and the plans worked out perfectly. No one waited for anyone and we all got to the right places at the right time.

I still don't know why my buddy and I had to eat outside with the dogs.

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