Tourist Tales

I have been a tourist. There, I’ve said it. I admit to doing and saying things in other countries that I would never do here at home. Get your mind out of the gutter. I’m talking about things like saying “How much does that mountain weigh?” or stepping off a curb in England looking the wrong way for traffic. I know I’m not the only one, either. I’m sure we’ve (meaning you, too) have all done silly things when we’ve traveled.

Take my buddy, Murray. Please. (Sorry, that was too easy...)

We had just arrived in Sydney, Australia after a longish flight from Auckland, New Zealand. After waiting for our other buddy, Mark to clear Customs – which is another story altogether – we finally got to our hotel in the King’s Cross district.

We got to our room up on the tenth or twelfth floor and settled in for an hour or so, just to get over the jetlag. We flipped on the telly and Mark and I continued our analysis of Cricket, while Murray opened the window to admire the view of the back alley of the hotel.

Did you know that the game of Cricket can last for five days and they can still end up in a tie? Unbelievable.

Anyway, as Mark and I were trying to figure out the rules of the game, Murray was watching the world go by in the alley. All of a sudden, Murray shouts out at the top of his voice, in his version of a New York Bronx/Italian accent, “Hey lady, keep it down out there!! Ya, I’m talkin’ to you!”

Then he pulled his head back into the room and said very calmly “I’ve always wanted to do that.”

Mark and I looked at each other, then over at Murray, then to the Cricket game, then at each other again. It was shaping up to be a long day.

A few months later, it was my turn. I was on the Gold Coast of Australia, in Surfer’s Paradise. I was on the beach, working on my tan and my imitation of a beach bum, along with a couple of thousand other people. I know that it doesn’t appear to be much different than my usual aspect but no matter.

My front side was getting pretty crispy, so I decided it time to head into the ocean to cool off. Now, a few minutes beforehand, a bell sounded far to my left down the beach. The bell then sounded a bit closer, then right behind me, then on down the beach to my right. Not seeing any of the lifeguards running down to the water, or worse yet, running away, I decided it was no big deal.

Finally roasted enough, I got up off my towel and wandered down to the surf. I was about to take three or four quick steps and dive into the water when out of the corner of my eye I noticed there was no one else in sight. Not a soul. I checked the other corner of my eye and saw the same thing on the other side. Then I noticed a zodiac boat zipping back and forth and a helicopter flying low over the surf.

I took a chance and looked behind me and saw some of the several thousand people all standing a good fifty meters away, all looking at me like people watching a potential train wreck. I strolled back up to a few of the folks, trying to be casual, and asked what was going on.

“They sighted a great white shark up the beach a bit, so the boats are chasing it back out to sea and the heli is keeping track.” “Oh” I said, trying to appear unfazed “Is that all?” It was a good time to get an ice cream...

So when you see someone try and pet a deer or get a picture with a bear, be kind and save them from themselves. Remember, that was you last summer. Or me.