Tourist Questions

I just have to pass on some of the tourist questions that I and others have had to field over the years. I had the pleasure of working and living in the Kananaskis region, both in Peter Lougheed Provincial Park and in the Canmore/Banff area. Believe me when I say that I love tourists unequivocally. They force me to answer questions diplomatically and imaginatively. Excellent skills to develop.

Here we go...

Q) “How much does that mountain weigh?”

A) A lot. More than you can lift. Over a ton. No, your four-by-four cannot move it, even with a hemi.

Q)  “What’s all that white stuff on top of the rocks?”

A) Believe it or not, snow. Really. I guess you have to give these last questioners a break. They came from the tropics, where there were so many birds nesting on the rocks that the guano (bird poop) completely covered the tops of the rocks. It looked remarkably like our snow capped peaks and the same consistency as late spring skiing snow. A little more aromatic, though.

Q) “What do you do with all the animals at night?”  

Two answers for this one (this was a great question posed by the New York Press during the Olympics). Answer one: we have them trained to go to their pens at night, near Lake Minniwanka. At daylight, they will come back into town for the photo opportunities.

Answer two: Nothing. At 9:00 pm, there is a curfew enforced for all humans. They have to be back in their hotel rooms and the streets are left to the animals.

A writer for Sports Illustrated frantically called his driver at 9:30 one night, asking where the cops were. All these people were out of their rooms and still on the street! The driver managed to stop him from shouting out his hotel window to everyone that they were about to be arrested. The next morning, he still wasn’t totally convinced he could go out at night.

Q) “Do you know (insert name here)? He lives in Hamilton”   

There really isn’t an answer for this one. It happens here at home or when Canadians are travelling. I suggest you just smile and be polite. Canada is huge and most visitors just can’t comprehend the size. I do have to say that once, someone from overseas asked if I knew a certain person who lived in Victoria, B.C., and I actually did. Don’t tell my kids.

Here’s one of my all time favourites. I’ll set the scene. Cherie and Diana were at their desks. A little old southern belle came into the main administration office at Peter Lougheed Provincial Park, thinking it was the Visitor Centre. I was in the Radio Room, looking through my window into the office and saw Cherie greet the lady. The lady then said something and it looked like Cherie told her to wait for a moment. Cherie then motioned for me to come out, keeping her back to the visitor and turning very red in the face. Diana had her head down, out of sight, under her desk.

As I came out to the small visitor counter, the little old lady looked up from her Park Map and asked in a drawl, “Can you tell me where this Can-ya-ass-kiss place is?” 

Well…

“Yes, ma’am” I said, trying my best to keep my civil servant smile intact, “This is the place!”

All the photos and brochures just can’t do our country justice and I think a lot of first time visitors just can’t cope with everything we have here. So be Canadian – polite, friendly and always helpful. No one really has to know why we are always smiling!