Rats, There's Rattles

Rattles. We've all had them at one point or another. Baby rattles are comforting when we're babies and not so much as we get older. We rattle around the house when we are kids, forever distracting our parents by saying "There's nothing to do!"

When they give us chores to do, it just isn't the same thing…

I have a particular rattle that is the focus of my attention most days. My house is pretty old by Canadian standards - 1980 or so - but practically new by European standards. Be that as it may, at the start of the cold weather, as the furnace starts up, there's a rattle in the duct work. Only in one section of duct work. The one in my bedroom.

Who needs modern transportation...

I was going to talk about my sons this week, mostly because I' haven't bugged them for a while. Sometimes though, the act of writing takes you down another path that you didn't see before.

Nope, this week it'll be all about cars. Don't worry - I'll still get a few digs in at Son Number One, mostly because he's been driving the last two times we've had big trouble.

Faceplants

I saw a post on social media today that really resonated with me. It's a sign that says "Pay attention while you walk - your Facebook status can wait". It was erected because too many people are paying more attention to their phones and status updates and not where they are walking. There have been videos posted on the Net showing people looking intently at their phones and walking straight into a fountain or into closed doors.

Some may think this is a new-ish phenomenon. I beg to differ.

Climbing Follies

I've lived and worked for many years in and around the Rocky Mountains and I know a lot of people who are climbers. My darling wife used to climb, both scrambling and some technical. My buddy, Murray, was also an avid climber in his day, often going out on solo climbs on days off from University.

I could watch these people climb all day. Same as I can watch people run on the pathways, with red faces, looking like they want to be anywhere else but running at that moment.

The Beauty of a Hippie Van

My youngest and I were stopped at a four-way stop when a lime green VW camper van stopped across the intersection. It was in pretty good shape, well-kept and shiny, with the silver hubcaps and white tire rims contrasting nicely.

My youngest said, "Hey, there's a hippie van. Cool! That looks great, I'd love to have one of those…" The driver didn't dispel the myth, having a very full beard and multi-coloured toque on. I didn't know that my son actually knew what a hippie was.

Three Cars and still walking...

You know, I find myself walking a lot more than I use to these days. I mention this because we have three cars at home and only three drivers, so you’d think I’d be able to drive around more than I walk.

Now before you get any ideas, I am not a car collector and having three cars isn’t as extravagant as you might think. None of our cars are of this century, for one. The closest we have is a 1999 Toyota. The other two are from 1993 and 1991, respectively. We managed with two cars for a long time, until the twins got their licences.

A Sod Story

Sod. I love sod. I’d forgotten how much I love sod. I’m not talking about the stuff you have to cut out of your yard when you put in a new sidewalk or a new driveway. That sod is usually uneven, in small, oddly shaped octagonal pieces that never seem to go down in the same pattern they came up from. It also has brown patches in the weirdest places, making your lawn look like a bizarre chessboard or Twister game.

Ripping Impaired

I have a confession to make. I am ripping-impaired. It’s something I’ve tried to deny for many years, but now it’s time to face up to it.

I think I’ve always had trouble ripping things cleanly. Heck, cleanly was never even close. I would be happy with neatly, but even that is usually beyond me. Doesn’t matter if there are perforations or not. Short of scissors, anything I try to make into two pieces will end up in strange and unusual sizes.

Summer Vacations

Now that it's June, I see summer vacations with a parent's eye. This of course, is far different than a kid's viewpoint. Vacations for kids are seemingly endless days of summer, each day lasting approximately 3.2 years. Those days allow for bike rides, ball games, hours on the gaming consoles and double feature videos just about every night. Throw in the one or two camping trips and the whole summer vacation is complete (as long as there is an internet wi-fi site nearby).

Now it's all making sense. I remember seeing my folks looking a bit wild-eyed around the middle of June - I mean, more than usual. When I did think about it, I passed it off as one of those weird things parents do on occasion. Then I went back to my Chocolate Coated Sugar Bomb and Marshmallow Cereal for breakfast. I was happy.

Now I know.

The Good the Bad and the Dandelions

I must be a great neighbour. I’m not saying this out of egotism. I know better than that. I have enough friends and family that remember some of the things I’ve done in the past. I don’t remember some of the stories they attribute to me, so that alone ensures I stay humble.

No, the reason I think I’m a good neighbour is all about the dandelions. It seems that I have been the Dandelion Whisperer since I’ve moved into the area.

Here it is, the third day of the growing season and I already have a crop that could provide everyone in town all the dandelion salad they could eat and all the dandelion tea they could drink.

To Do or Not To Do...Will Have To Do

I have at least five projects ready to start for this summer. Well, maybe only three, but it depends on how you count them. I’d like the count to be zero but even I know that’s not going to happen.

The front patio project involves pulling up the paving stones from the side of the house and putting them down in the front of the house. I can’t get the grass to grow there anyway, so I might as well put the pavers there and save my feet from sharp, dead grass. The pavers will give the ants in the front yard another space for their condos. How environmental is that? Maybe it’s just mental…

Nothing much...

Seeing as I don't have anything to say at the moment, I think I'll write a column about nothing. Remember Seinfeld? His whole show was about nothing and see where it got him. One can only hope…

There is actually a lot to say about nothing. There is always a whole bunch of nothing that happens every day. Ask your kid when they come home from school "What did you learn today?"

Small Bathrooms

You know your bathroom is small when you go to tuck in your shirt and you end up tucking a towel into your shorts as well.

I’m really not complaining. Okay, maybe I am. My house was built in 1979 when bathrooms were big enough for a toilet, tub and sink and if you were lucky, a spot to hang a magazine holder.

Losing things...

Who has lost something important, like their wallet, keys or mind? Come on, I know you’re out there. Did you ever find them again? Here’s a story of hope for you…

Critical Thinking

I have two kids in University this year. Sorry, young adults. The twins are spreading their wings and expanding their minds in the hallowed halls of Higher Learning. It’s all about them learning to think and follow a problem through to the logical conclusion. Learning to use the resources around them to the best advantage.

It’s wonderful to see them branching out and focusing on their future. Although sometimes their future seems to be attending university parties, field trips off campus and the plethora of social clubs. We get more information on all the extracurricular activities than we do about their actual classes.

Demise of the Written Word

English is such a flexible language. This is a good thing but it’s also a bad thing. The good thing is English has the ability to take a word from another language, mash it up a bit and use it in new and unexpected ways. That’s one of the reasons it’s used throughout the world in aviation and scientific circles. Any native speaker can make up a new word at the drop of a hat.

For instance, as I watch one of my sons watching TV, the word ‘slouch’ comes to mind. He’s a teenager, so slouching comes naturally. He just has that teen ‘slouchy’ look about him. Call it a slouch-like quality.

"Smart" phones...

Can smartphones make you dumb? I’ve been thinking about that for the last few days. (Believe it or not, I do actually think once in a while. Then I give my head a shake and the feeling goes away).

This idea has been percolating for some years, ever since the advent of Personal Data Assistants, or PDA devices. This is not to be confused with the Hollywood type of PDA, which stands for Public Display of Affection. You can’t get arrested for having the first type of PDA, but you can for the second. Or at least become fodder for the paparazzi…

Cartoon Education

I am appalled. Not Apollo, appalled. One of the mainstays of our educational system has been trifled with and I am not happy. The teaching of Classical Music on Saturday morning cartoons has been thrown to the wayside!

I know! It’s a terrible thing! Where will our children get their love of music from? Where will they gain the understanding of musical nuance, timing and emotion? It certainly won’t be from some robot-driven, animated adaptation of a bestselling ‘graphic novel’!

What is a graphic novel anyway?

Laundry Day

Well, it must be laundry day. I can’t find any socks in the drawer – any of mine, anyway.

I actually learned quite a few years ago how to do my own laundry, when I was a bachelor. Really. I scrupulously read the instructions on the side of the detergent box, sorted my clothes accordingly and washed four shirts in one load, a pair of pants in another and the unmentionables in the third. I was on a tight clothing budget…

Computer Savvy

I’d like to think of myself as pretty technologically savvy for the most part. I’d also like to think I’m good at a lot of other things but then I try to balance the chequebook…

I’ve had the opportunity in past careers to be exposed to a lot of different computer systems and programs, so I’m pretty comfortable mucking about with my home unit. I learned a lot about how programs and hardware work together and in some cases, how you can break them. I think I’ve seen enough computer glitches to understand most and be able to fix said glitches. And that’s when it happened.