Barbeque Renos

Did you know that barbeques can be used for renovations?

I'm not talking about just cooking up burgers and hotdogs after the work is done, either. I mean, you really can use your barbeque as a tool to effect renovations for your property. Old-fashioned briquettes or propane units, it doesn't matter.

Here's how. Years ago, a guy I know had a little charcoal hibachi grill that he used all the time to cook up his meals. This guy could grill a burger, a hotdog, steak and even lasagna on the thing. Spring, summer, fall and winter - didn't matter, this guy would happily cook anything.

Synonyms and Shakespeare

engadget.com

How many ways can you say "dumb"? Let's count…

Dumb, dummy, goof, goofball, doofus, idjit (thank you, Yosemite Sam), stove bolt, numbskull, dunderhead, idiot, bonehead, beanhead, addled, twit and muttonhead (yes, muttonhead).

Not a bad start. One word descriptions that if used by anyone, would convey the meaning without a doubt.

How to Become a Firefighter

gawker.com

One of the many careers listed on my resume is one of a Firefighter. I became a firefighter quite by accident many moons ago when I first started working full time. I was working and living in the mountains west of Calgary and was very happy with my job and had no real desire to run into burning buildings whatsoever.

One of my friends had applied for and got the job as Assistant Fire Chief at the local volunteer fire hall. It was a feather in his cap, and he was rightfully proud of his accomplishment. They had just finished a new fire hall for the area and he was really eager to show it off.

So I got a call from him one day, with an invitation to come over and see the new digs on a Wednesday night. Not having a lot to do, I agreed. That was my first mistake.

Traveling to Heaven

A few years back, when I was in University, two of my friends and I went to New Zealand and Australia for six months. Okay, maybe it was more than a few years ago, but I know we went for a good reason. I know the University thought it was a good reason as well because they said so in a letter after my second semester.

Anyway, we had been in New Zealand for about four days and had made our way up to the northern tip of the North Island, to a small place call Paihia (pie-HEE-ah). It's located in the Bay of Islands, one of the most spectacular places in the world. Being fresh off the boat - literally - we were eager to see the sights, have some adventures and spend some money.

A Daughter's Retort

It’s all about maintaining the facade.

Your parents have to believe that they are all knowing, all powerful, and that there is no possible way that you can sneak anything past them.

Ever.

It’s the whole masquerade that makes them believe that they’ve still got ‘it’, whatever ‘it’ may be.

Parental Point of VIew

I am re-running this article for you, mostly because I think it may help a few fathers out there deal with their kids.

Or not. Next week I'll publish my darling daughter's response to this article. 

You tell me...

http://www.mobiusengine.co.uk/page/3/

It's all about maintaining the façade. Your kids have to believe that you are all knowing, all powerful and they won't get away with anything - ever. It is the mask you present to them that says "Nothing you do will surprise me".

Even when it does.

As a kid, I always thought that I was being sneaky and getting away with staying out late. Then I would get home and Mom would be there, supposedly just getting a drink of water or reading a good book.

Seeing Things Differently

www.chiefscientist.gov.au/wp-content/uploads/aurora-borealis.jpg

Have you ever seen anything that was so different, that you couldn't quite comprehend what you were seeing? I'm talking about things like seeing the Aurora Borealis for the first time, or green thunderclouds, or a bug that looks like a leaf. It takes a few seconds to process sometimes. Maybe a few minutes, depending on what it is or who you are…

There was the time when I was at a friend's place and we were walking past her brother's room. It was the 1980's and it was a younger brother, so the décor was very much the young teenager look. Blacklight posters, clothes on the floor, bed unmade - wait, I think I'm describing my kid's room right now!

Thunderstorms and Bicycles

I had decided that in order to save money and get into shape, I would ride my bike to work during the spring and summer. The thing was, I was living at the bottom of a river valley and the airport where I worked was up on the flats, ten kilometers away with an elevation gain of 240 meters. That's six miles and 800 feet, for you Imperial folks.

It worked out reasonably well, except for the first week of riding. That was (and still is) a long hill. Really long. And I always was heading into the prevailing wind. The worst part was after I had a shower and cleaned up at the airport, I still had to climb three flights of stairs to get to the office. That final staircase took about twenty minutes sometimes.

Mixed Signals

Things are pretty clear cut when you're a kid. As a babe, our eyes are always wide open, trying to make sense of the world. As we get bigger, we have a chance to test out different things, mostly by putting them in our mouths or hanging onto them for dear life.

We were pretty smart then. We would taste dirt and for most of us, never have to taste it again, knowing it was not a good snack. Pointy things like a spruce tree branch looked cool, but after the first (or maybe second) grab, it would be clear that pointy looking things were, well, pointy and not fun to hold.

Everyday Rituals

Rituals. That word sounds a bit scary. It reminds me of horror films where the undead crazy shaman starts converting the good guys into zombies or periwinkles or something too scary to name.

But really, we all have our own rituals we do every day. Pick any usual thing you do during the day and I bet you'll find that you try to do it the same way every time. And heaven help you if you get interrupted in the middle - everything just starts to go bad.

Chaos Cooking

Right off the top, I want to say that I love my darling wife unreservedly and that we work exceptionally well together. Most of the time.

We have put up wallpaper, painted rooms, fixed cars and built furniture. We have raised three kids who know how to tie their shoes and string a coherent sentence together.  Most of the time.

We mesh together like a Swiss timepiece, or like a perfect musical performance, or like a flaming, knife-throwing, blindfolded, acrobatic circus act. Until we get into the kitchen. Then the flaming knives end up in the seats…

Varmints

A friend of ours mentioned the other day that they have a skunk. She wasn't talking about her teenagers, either.

It seems like a very pregnant looking skunk had taken up residence underneath their patio recently. Our friend's cat seems to have taken exception to the new tenant and stalks around the front door hole of the skunk's new den. It does not bode well for the future, if said skunk really is pregnant and not just well-fed…

Rats, There's Rattles

Rattles. We've all had them at one point or another. Baby rattles are comforting when we're babies and not so much as we get older. We rattle around the house when we are kids, forever distracting our parents by saying "There's nothing to do!"

When they give us chores to do, it just isn't the same thing…

I have a particular rattle that is the focus of my attention most days. My house is pretty old by Canadian standards - 1980 or so - but practically new by European standards. Be that as it may, at the start of the cold weather, as the furnace starts up, there's a rattle in the duct work. Only in one section of duct work. The one in my bedroom.

Who needs modern transportation...

I was going to talk about my sons this week, mostly because I' haven't bugged them for a while. Sometimes though, the act of writing takes you down another path that you didn't see before.

Nope, this week it'll be all about cars. Don't worry - I'll still get a few digs in at Son Number One, mostly because he's been driving the last two times we've had big trouble.

Faceplants

I saw a post on social media today that really resonated with me. It's a sign that says "Pay attention while you walk - your Facebook status can wait". It was erected because too many people are paying more attention to their phones and status updates and not where they are walking. There have been videos posted on the Net showing people looking intently at their phones and walking straight into a fountain or into closed doors.

Some may think this is a new-ish phenomenon. I beg to differ.

Climbing Follies

I've lived and worked for many years in and around the Rocky Mountains and I know a lot of people who are climbers. My darling wife used to climb, both scrambling and some technical. My buddy, Murray, was also an avid climber in his day, often going out on solo climbs on days off from University.

I could watch these people climb all day. Same as I can watch people run on the pathways, with red faces, looking like they want to be anywhere else but running at that moment.

The Beauty of a Hippie Van

My youngest and I were stopped at a four-way stop when a lime green VW camper van stopped across the intersection. It was in pretty good shape, well-kept and shiny, with the silver hubcaps and white tire rims contrasting nicely.

My youngest said, "Hey, there's a hippie van. Cool! That looks great, I'd love to have one of those…" The driver didn't dispel the myth, having a very full beard and multi-coloured toque on. I didn't know that my son actually knew what a hippie was.

Three Cars and still walking...

You know, I find myself walking a lot more than I use to these days. I mention this because we have three cars at home and only three drivers, so you’d think I’d be able to drive around more than I walk.

Now before you get any ideas, I am not a car collector and having three cars isn’t as extravagant as you might think. None of our cars are of this century, for one. The closest we have is a 1999 Toyota. The other two are from 1993 and 1991, respectively. We managed with two cars for a long time, until the twins got their licences.

A Sod Story

Sod. I love sod. I’d forgotten how much I love sod. I’m not talking about the stuff you have to cut out of your yard when you put in a new sidewalk or a new driveway. That sod is usually uneven, in small, oddly shaped octagonal pieces that never seem to go down in the same pattern they came up from. It also has brown patches in the weirdest places, making your lawn look like a bizarre chessboard or Twister game.

Ripping Impaired

I have a confession to make. I am ripping-impaired. It’s something I’ve tried to deny for many years, but now it’s time to face up to it.

I think I’ve always had trouble ripping things cleanly. Heck, cleanly was never even close. I would be happy with neatly, but even that is usually beyond me. Doesn’t matter if there are perforations or not. Short of scissors, anything I try to make into two pieces will end up in strange and unusual sizes.